The Bitches of Fashion

Tie Me Up Tie Me down

2011-12-17T14:44:00.002-07:00

Mindful Fashion

2011-12-13T05:14:00.026-07:00

A couple weeks ago, while getting dressed for a meeting and trying to figure out how best to complete my outfit, a voice rang out: "You have too many shoes."

I looked behind me to see if perhaps my husband was talking to me or if either of my dogs had suddenly been blessed with the powers of human speech. Nope.

"And, while we're at it, too many jackets," the voice continued, clearly taking on a strident tone. "And what's up with all the cashmere sweaters? Christ on a cracker, you could clothe yourself and probably a few of your friends for an eternity on what you have hanging, stacked, and piled in this closet."

It was like being hit on the head with a pair of Frye Harness Boots, but there was no way around it. The Voice was right: I have too much shit in my closet.

Don't get me wrong. Madonna's "Material Girl" was written for me. As an unabashed materialist, nothing makes me happier than discovering, touching, holding, buying human-being crafted items, in all their infinite incarnations of usefulness and beauty. And when it comes to fashion, my Add to Cart mentality is alive and kicking. Dancing, even.

Still. How much of it do I really need? Not only that, how much of it do I really like? Wear? Want? Finally, how much of it is of a quality high enough to provide the folks who make it with a decent living? (Yes, Virginia, semi-socially conscious epiphanies are possible with Dolce and Gabanna trousers hanging in your closet. Okay, D&G, and they were on sale.)

So here's where I took that epiphany: We are rapidly approaching the time of year when people make resolutions to change certain aspects of their behavior. What if I resolved to change the way I approach fashion and what would that change look like?

Here's what I came up with:

1. Buy less, spend more. You read that right: SPEND MORE. Not just on quality, but also on wearability. Yes, we Bitches are loathe to pay retail, but we are also familiar with the dirty little flip side secret to the so-called bargain bins: that 10 you clutch to your breast at 2 can quickly morph into a 2 at 10 when you find yourself dealing with split seams, pilled wool, shrinking, stretching, fading, and other hidden horrors to which your endorphin-flooded brain was totally blind because it was busy sending signals to your clutchy lil' hands to grab, grab, grab!

Instead, what if I took those dozens of times a year I spend "only X amount!" and tuck it away until I reach a big pool o'cash for something totally covet-worthy and well made? I can hear the Voice now: "That's right, Bitch, do not spend your money on anything that isn't of the utmost highest quality, I don't care if it is only a tee shirt. Or that doesn't play well with the other children in your closet. Don't tell me you need a pair of patent leather Mary Jane pumps, even if they are only $45 at Payless, when I can clearly see everything else in your closet is rock and roll boho.

2. Apply the reduce, reuse, recycle principle to my wardrobe by shopping primarily consignment. You know, those shops where another gal's discarded wardrobe—freshly cleaned and in like new condition, of course—is now your new treasure. And where you can sell your own cast offs and make extra cash to boot. I've been shopping 2 Time Couture here in Albuquerque since they first opened and the place is a revelation. As is Act 2 in Santa Fe. A few consignment-scored items currently hanging in my closet include an ivory cable knit Vince cashmere sweater, an Atelier slim-cut black wool blazer, an Anac By Kimi jersey tunic, a Hugo Buscati cropped silk tuxedo jacket, a whack-on-crack-patterned silk Diane von Furstenberg dress, and a pair of never-worn black and white Ferragamo Alerja wedges. All of which I nicked at prices between 50 to 80 percent off original retail.

The sucker who paid retail for these Ferragamos: $400. Moi: $90.

3. Finally, I will try to buy only from those designers who are committed to manufacturing in the United States or their country of origin and who pay their artisans a decent wage as a result. Why do politicians make so much noise about revitalizing America's manufacturing industries? Because they create and keep jobs here at home, and the lack thereof is one of the most pressing economic issues we face today. It can be done. I just completed a book on a U.S. founded, owned, and operated manufacturer of industrial equipment who for the past 75 years has not only sourced all their materials locally, but has manufactured their final product right here in the U.S., even though they sell all over the world. Yes, that product is priced at a premium, but it lasts forever and it allows the company to provide their over 100 employees with a compensation and benefits package nearly unheard of today.

I simply do not see why the same thing cannot be done in the fashion industry. And not just with luxury goods like Hermes and Chanel or high end designers like The Row, but at the pret-a-porter level, too, everyone from companies with name brand recognition like Frye, LL Bean, American Apparel, and Nanette Lepore to boutique designers like Filly and Angel Court Jewels (how badly do I want that blue velvet Lonely Hunter dress or Waters necklace? Thiiiiiiiiis badly.) Both are among a handful of designers who manufacture their goods right here at home. You can check them out here.

And then go listen to your own Voice.

Beauty For a Cause

2011-11-30T05:55:00.004-07:00

It's that time of year again. Yes, to shop until you drop, but also to give until it hurts. This year, Beauty Bloggers is holding a charitable auction of dozens of covet-worthy beauty products that runs from November 28 until December 12. All proceeds go directly to benefiting Doctors Without Borders.

Check it out.

Of course, you can always donate without bidding on a single product (see info at the top of the page). And keep your hands off Moi's Shalimar :o)

Fall Essentials: The More Things Change . . .

2011-09-09T12:54:00.026-06:00

Ah, fall, when a young(ish) woman's fancy turns to cashmere and leather . . . and while it's not completely time to mothball the sandals, there is a distinct cooling breeze and lack of daylight in the sky. Let's not forget that it's also green chile roasting season and State Fair season. Really, fall clothes are a must since the eating yummy food trend also starts about now.

Meanwhile the fashion-waves are full of helpful advice on stuff you absolutely must have right now if you're going to survive fall without looking like a has-been, and we have noticed a trend among those who are telling us what we should wear. The short version: if you snapped up some staple fashions during last winter's close-outs, you're still good to go!

Two years ago, you might have secured yourself a pair of Over-The-Knee boots (AKA OTK boots if you're into TLAs, or Three Letter Acronyms). Had you done it two years ago, you might have felt very self-conscious on their first wearing. And possibly their second. And third.

BCBG Dedra Over-The-Knee boot, in a subdued flat heel

The Bitches are overjoyed to find that the OTK boots are once again "in" for this fall. Pirate is particularly pleased, since this fall's fashion trend will bring her cost-per-wear (CPW) down to single digits for her favorite big-girl boots.

Also back are riding boots—and we've seen some good ones.

Vince Camuto's Karena riding boot.
These are way too pretty for the stable.

Moto boots are also still tres chic. Moi is shopping furiously for the ne plus ultra moto boot to perfect her ladylike-yet-bad-girl wardrobe. So far, Born's Tessa boots are running numero uno:

These are just BEGGING to be worn with a silk peasant dress and chunky sweater.

Most funnest of all, hiker booties are back again. We saw these many years ago gracing the feet of J-Lo and were a little chagrined to see them return again last fall. This fall, the hiker booties are back, and the utility chic trend is still trendy.

The Boutique 9 "Barrow" hiker bootie is tres very J Lo

Faux fur is still de rigeur. Moi is hugging herself for purchasing her faux-coyote vest last season, whilst Pirate will be scouting for her own faux fur favorite wardrobe addition.

Trina Turk Faux Fur vest, part cave-girl, part RAWR

Last year Pirate searched high and low for the most exactly right awesome leather moto jacket, and struck out repeatedly. Missing the end-of-season sales due to emotional hardship will haunt her for the coming season, since a lady-like leather moto jacket is still well and truly haute.

Pirate is stalking the interwaves waiting to pounce on the next Karen Millen sale.
If you have $500 to donate to her cause, she will gratefully bake you cookies.

"Menswear Chic" is a term we've seen in use for the coming fall season. If you've saved up your penny loafers from high school (or even if you've never really put them away) now is your chance to trot them back out and look cool doing it. Loafers can easily be worn with a pencil skirt or trouser or one of this season's pleated midi skirts. You might try out a loafer with a rolled-up khaki trouser, or a cropped slim-cut trouser, a menswear inspired button-down shirt, and a glammy sweatshirt. Yes, I said glammy sweatshirt: as in, a slouchy sweatshirt made from cashmere or merino.

jCrew "Isabel" cashmere sweatshirt, shown with pencil skirt, would look fab with loafers.

Also cool is the loafer heel, which totally girls up the menswear chic look. The loafer heel has been seen worn with cute little ankle socks. Yes this is a brave look if you've never tried it. Yes we think it's adorable.

This super cute 9 West loafer heel is but one option this season.

Midi is the new skirt length trend for the season—long enough to cover your knees, but not so long as to hide your calves. Pleated or pencil, this skirt length is flattering on most, and a welcome relief to those who were not so crazy about showing off so much leg.

"Tucker" midi pleated skirt, signaling the return of the Sexy Librarian look.

Animal prints are still totally cool, and the bitches are in favor of treating Leopard (or any animal print) as a neutral. Wear it around your neck, on your feet, head to toe.

BCBG Leopard Pencil Skirt. Meow, baybee!

Finally, sayteth Moi, python. Or, anything snake, really. Snake—whether as a theme, print, or a skin—plays a huge role in her wardrobe. Currently, she is stalking a DVF Vintage snakeskin print silk jersey wrap dress on eBay, which she believes she has, oh, about a 0.567 percent chance of winning. So she will most likely have to succor herself with this envelope python print envelope clutch by BCBG instead:

At $68, the deal of the season!

Tell the Bitches: what are you coveting for this fall?

No Excuses

2011-07-11T09:30:00.000-06:00

This ain't the way to do it, y'all!

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what drives people to decide to look good.

Notice I said "decide," since I think this is a choice, not an accident.

My ruminations were sparked by a girlfriend who recently confided to me about a pair of heels that she bought and loved and wore to her office. An unapologetic tomboy, she didn't often make forays into girl clothing - so this was a big deal for her. She was shocked when her co-workers openly ridiculed her for dressing up. I consoled her by saying that sometimes people express their own insecurity by lashing out and making fun of others . . . but that doesn't make it OK.

We Bitches have discussed this at length, and it struck us that the idea of strapping on the tall shoes or putting on a nice dress, or even buying something new and flattering and pushing out of the Fashion Pyjamas comfort zone is not something everyone chooses to do. We know plenty of people who will put up multiple defenses, describing why they decide not to make an effort. Or worse, they openly judge others who choose to go to the effort.

Excuses For Looking Bad
It seems absurd to expend calories to justify laziness, or otherwise explain why to choose to not choose. Why would anyone make a case for failure or laziness on purpose?

We know you will cling to your defenses. As Homer Simpson said, "trying is the first step to failure" and we have heard many a story about how much trouble it is to try to look good. Some excuses for Not Trying we have heard include words along these lines:

- It's too expensive
- It's too much trouble
- It's uncomfortable
- What I have is just fine
- I don't have time
- Nothing will help
- I don't know what to wear
- Dressing in a feminine way will mean that I am buying in to the paternal hegemony, therefore objectifying myself and all other sisters
- I don't want to (AKA, I don't care)

We Bitches like to think that we can show anyone why these excuses are not doing you justice. We are living proof that looking good doesn't have to take a lot of money: you do have time, it's not too much trouble, you can be comfortable and beautiful, and it's totally worth it.

However, we can't help you with your political leanings. We don't have an outfit for that.

Why Bother?
The most troubling excuse we encounter is that last one: I don't care. We're stuck on that. Why not care? Why would anyone not want to look their best? Is everyone chronically depressed? Do we not love ourselves anymore?

There are plenty of reasons in favor of looking one's absolute best as often as possible. We'll discuss some really big ones here:

Other People Will See You
We know your mother told you to never judge a book by its cover but let's face it: in everyday life our "cover" is all that most people will ever see. When we are shopping at the grocery store, we don't take the time to get to know each individual snowflake that passes by - we look at each other, look at what we are wearing, and we start making up stories about each other. And, uh, Judgey Lady at Trader Joes? By that tongue clucking sound, I can tell you made up some good stories about me in those hooker boots.

You Could Be A Fashion Inspiration
We'd like to think that we can inspire other women to be brave about what they wear (we certainly take inspiration from what we see when we venture out into the wilds). Even if a judgey so-and-so at Trader Joe's makes tsk-tsk noises because she doesn't approve, doesn't mean we will stop being brave. In the wearings of the Big Girl Boots, we have counted small numbers of disapprovers and dozens of raving fans - women openly complimenting us on wearing those very boots.

The World Treats You Better
It's true, there is a causal link between physical appearance and how one is treated. In simple terms, the more physically appealing you look, the better you get treated, the better you feel about yourself. We did not make this up, there's sciency researchy stuff to back it up.

Look Awesome, Be Awesome (and, as Moi says: Don't pollute the pool.)
Then there is the personal confidence one gets from looking awesome. When you look good, you know you look good. This is a nice self-boost. And when you feel good, you're nice to the people around you. And then they're nice to them people around them. And then pretty soon, we're all holding hands and singing Kumbaya. And, we take another step towards cleaning up our visual environment.

Yes, we know it's scary.
For those of you still feeling defensive about sticking with the comfortable, we get that the "Own Your Awesome" thing is no trivial mindset. It's easier to understand after watching this Ted Talk (everyone would do well to watch that link). We have formed a hypothesis that for some people, dressing up is a huge risk: it means being noticed. It means being seen. It means being authentic. It means someone might come up to you and talk to you. In short, dressing up means standing out, which means exposing vulnerability. For women in particular, we have a whole separate range of issues about dressing up, because it invokes our sexuality. We get this.

The Fashion Risk thing is a characteristic we have viewed from many angles over my years. In the teenage years, we may have made looking weird a personal mission - we wanted the attention and didn't care how we got it. As college students, we didn't care about anything but surviving school - please notice us for our brains. In our overweight and feeling-less-attractive periods, we want to sink back into the background and disappear - we would ask you not to notice us when we don't feel good about ourselves.

Take Risks, Grow, Be Happy
Just to be clear, we're not saying put your high heels on to do your grocery shopping. Or wear an evening gown to work. Not at all. We're saying a little effort will go a long way: love yourself a little and Give a Shit about what you look like. You may not care how you look, but we care - because we have to look at you! Buy yourself something that fits, that is flattering and comfortable, that won't break the bank. And please don't "save" it in the closet. Wear it outside and show the world your awesomeness!

At first it can be disconcerting to be approached by others after having taken a huge risk (g'wan, ask Pirate about wearing the baby-duck yellow tutu out in public). Some of us have never quite felt like we know what to do with a comment or a compliment. Sometimes we may question the sincerity - do they mean that? Are they just saying that because they think they are supposed to? Is he hitting on me? Fear not, we say: we have found that people usually mean well by their nice gestures (and yes, he probably is hitting on you. so what?)

Pay It, Bitches
And then give as good as you get: notice others when they look good. We know how much time and care we put into our appearance, it's not hard to tell when others are doing the same. Even if her style is not yours, it costs you nothing to genuinely compliment someone for making an effort. We say, be good to your sisters - you never know what they went through on their way here.

And by the way, Lady At Starbucks Who Usually Looks Awesome? We want you to know that we're totally not faking it when we say, "Wow. You look great today."

The Dog Days of Summer and the End of Ennui

2011-06-27T08:36:00.013-06:00

Hello there. Yes, it's been a while.

We Bitches, we have been busy. With life. With love. With dodging this oven furnace, fire-riddled, seventh layer of hell of a summer that, for me at least, has made the prospect of putting actual clothing on my body a near-depressing idea. Unless it's a swimsuit. Because did I mention? It's hot. I also had toe surgery back in March and since then have been relegated to wearing mainly flats. Or, rather, anything with a wide enough toe box until this lil' sucker finally stops swelling.

Right? Talk about "near depressing."

At least it's summer, which means those flats can be cool gladiator-style sandals instead of traditional ballet flats (yawn), which never fit me right because my feet are wide at the forefoot and narrow at the heel. I need a completely closed shoe or something with a strap(s) of some kind or I tend to flop out of my shoes straight onto the pavement.

Anyway, so uninspired and lethargic is my fashion temperament these days, I've only had the energy to work with two items of clothing: a dove grey, fine ribbed c otton jersey maxi skirt and a pair of olive green J Brand Houlihan skinny cargoes. Top both with a no-brainer of a crisp white tee and a cropped blue jean jacket, stick some sandals on my feet, maybe something shiny around my neck, and call it a day. Hunker down until fall when the prospect of all that cashmere and leather and wool should rouse some interest. Until then, crickets chirp, dust gathers . . .

Or, maybe, just maybe, before then, the prospect of something like this:

Accordion pleated chiffon-textured skirts are big for summer, and I think I want one. The one above is from Zara, a reasonable $60, and also comes in navy. I really dig the mid-calf length, too, (is it just me, or are all y'all over too-short skirts?) Too long, and, well, let's just say there's cool, hip maxi, and then there's you may as well stick a daisy in your hair and sing "Suite for Judy Blue Eyes" on the nearest street corner for pocket change maxi.

Thoughts?

Barbie is a Boy

2011-05-31T14:19:00.009-06:00

This crossed my channels today, and I felt it necessary to break the radio silence for a public service announcement: here is a story about a beautiful young man who is a catwalk model for high profile designers of womens' clothes.

No shit.

On the one hand, I find it very eye-roll worthy that the fashion industry is still so very obsessed with body model types who are un-sustainably skinny, with boyishly narrow hips and no boobs. Anyone who has watched a fashion show knows that this is not news. The fact that they are now openly using a man's body to promote a fantasy of the ideal feminine form is, at the very least, ironic.

On the other hand, who bloody cares? I personally know no one who either has that kind of haute couture in their wardrobe, or the occasion to wear it to. I know these people exist but they're like unicorns (and they probably fart glitter). When was the last time you actually saw, in the flesh, a person who had legs up to their throat, and were a size -1? This is not a common occurrence—if anything, I would think that a person with these proportions would find it hard to dress every day. The rest of the world is filled with "real" people with butts and boobs, who wear real numbered sizes. We can always find clothes to wear without a lot of effort. In fact, I note that vanity sizing is still very much alive and well at many of my favorite clothing haunts—if you think you magically got smaller in one season, think again: the '"real world" fashion industry wants to keep you as a customer, and they sometimes do this by supporting your fantasies about your own image.

Thirdly, I can only think of a small number of fashion designers who aren't gay. Is anyone really surprised that the industry has found a beautiful, androgynous male to model clothes designed by men who are in love with other men?

I suppose that so long as everyone is clear that this is a very pretty male person, with male plumbing, we can safely continue to view haute couture as art, or a pre-cursor to an industry, and not as a political statement on the subjugation of women.

Discuss, whilst I await the throwing of rotting fruit.

Wedgie

2011-03-10T06:26:00.015-07:00

Even though I'm going to spend the next 20-25 days semi-laid up, it still doesn't mean I've left off my spring fashion scheming. Not when my morning in-box is filled with so many tempting offers from retailers around the world all vying so craftily for my fashion dollars—it's like being in some exotic bazaar in a land far, far away, only I'm in my jammies, sipping coffee, and my office doesn't smell like camel dookie.

High on my list for spring? A haute hippie wedge or shoe. Since I just received a coupon from the Gap family of stores for 15 percent off, I decided to see what Piperlime has to offer me, in the realm of under $100.

My first pick is the Vince Camuto Edo, which the line should have just gone on and called the Christian Louboutin, because they are an exact dupe of the version put out by CL, only at a tenth of the cost. I'm not proud, though. Until someone starts paying me Louboutin wages, a knock off will do.

The Camuto.

The Louboutin.
Commence to cartoon double take.

Choice number two is the Harlow by Seychelles. I like the delicate ropey detail at the forefoot. A wee bit more feminine, more 1982 than 1972.

Another Seychelles offering, the Purr. Very pretty, and I like the neutral hue. (Remember: no nude is good nude, unless it's on a shoe.)

I also really like these cork-soled babies by Frye. Not a wedge, but definitely haute hippie, and you know they're going to be comfortable and well-made. But they're close to two hundred and fifty smackers, so let's just move along, shall we?

(However, do not think they have escaped my clutches just yet; there is always eBay.)

So tell the Bitches, are you feelin' the 70s wedge revival for spring?

Hairless pets. Weird.

2011-02-25T21:48:00.016-07:00

Between being a touch overwhelmed with work from my paying job, and the training load for a really really really big run, I can barely remember how to dress myself lately. I've fallen into a steep fashion backslide, relying heavily on the fashion uniform of jeans, jacket, scarf, boots. Not that there's anything wrong with that. As if that weren't enough of a brain-load, I have also recently added some new people to my household.

The first time I ever heard of a hairless cat was probably the same time the rest of the world heard of hairless cats: when Bill Murray hoisted up an odd-looking skinny critter on his paranormal talk show, World of the Psychic, in Ghostbusters II. I think I was 14 at the time, I can't say my reaction was any different than his.

When Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!

You can see where this is going, can't you? But before you condemn me for doing something weird, you'll need context.

Way back when I had bags of time and no human children, I used to have animal-related hobbies, such as showing my cats. At the time, my cats were my children, so this worked out - I have a fabulous chocolate tortie point Siamese who is essentially my first-born. This was before I discovered that while I like cats very much, it's a short-lived hobby unless you're a breeder. I got to know a lot about cats during this period, and satisfied my curiosity about many breeds, since cat shows are all about presenting the very best examples available.

For the record, Maine Coons, Siamese, Abyssinian, Burmese and Bengals are all lovely breeds. In a room full of freaked-out show cats, the Sphynx stands out in a big way: not only are they not stressed, but they are the most easy-going friendly cat breed of any. And they're relatively maintenance free -- no brushing, grooming, de-matting or fussing for these guys at a cat show!

Although I take no shame in my girl-crush on Jennifer Aniston and her fabulous hair, she is not the reason I am taken with Sphynx cats. By the time Mrs. Whiskerson made her debut on Friends I was already totally smitten with the hairless breed. I vowed that one day I would have one for my own, and fast forward a decade and we finally have an opening in our herd. I did my research, found a fabulous breeder, checked in with my family, and...

What's that you ask? Did I actually bring home one of the world's weirdest animals?

No, I got two!

Introducing the new Bitches of Fashion, hard at work on the blog.

Even though they are hot little hotties (Sphynx run about 4 degrees warmer than their hairy counterparts), they do tend to chill a bit when it's cold, just like people. So to stay warm and enhance their fabulous looks, the Sphynx people like to wear clothes. Could you think of a more perfect animal for me? I think not!

In fact, they came to me wearing little fleece jumpers.

Mock me all you want, but I am warm, bitches. Toasty warm!

I've done a little kitteh clothing shopping, of course, and have discovered that Petsmart has an awesome Martha Stewart collection. It's obviously meant for dogs, but works fine on small naked cats (turns out my two hairless wonders are a size Chihuahua).

You wish you had a grey pelt so that you'd look this awesome in pink, don't you?

There I found little hoodies with skulls and crossbones embroidered on them, and this super cute t-shirt with a skull and crossbones detail - in sequins:

Does this t-shirt make me look like a rock star? Why yes. Yes it does.

I have also come to know a very fun shop called Sphynx Wear (naturally), a clothing designer especially for Sphynx, Peterbald, Cornish Rex, and other warmth-challenged cats. The entrepreneur of this store has fully engaged her sense of humor, recognizing that there really is nothing serious about putting clothes on cats. Her kitty couture is clever and fun. I wasted no time getting some fashion for my two naked babies, though it turns out my kittens are still a bit wee for adult cat-wear.

Everybody looks faster with go-faster stripes.

You can definitely tell Sphynx Wear is made for petite flowers - the same suit fits like a sausage skin on Catso.

Somebody's ready for his shot at the Biggest Loser. I am pretty sure this track suit makes him look fat.

And so, while I may be dressing myself without a lot of imagination for the past few weeks, there's some creative energy in the house being lavished on two small, naked, big-eared, lemon-eyed, hot water bottles with claws. When I get my brain back, there will be at least three fashion-starved people in the house.

Bring on the spring collections already.

I See Paris I See France

2011-02-02T06:59:00.013-07:00

One of the adages we Bitches live by is that naked people have little or no influence on society (to borrow heavily from Mr. Mark Twain). Ever since God ejected Adam and Eve from the garden and said, "Go forth and get yourselves some Gucci for My sakes, you look RIDICULOUS with those fig leaves!" humankind has been trying to influence the outside world with the way it dresses itself.

Seriously. Just try getting a job wearing a bathing suit. Well, a respectable job anyway. Or holding back the Mongol hordes in your bathrobe and slippers.

Which is why I for one simply do not understand why the fashion world these past couple seasons keeps insisting that shades of nude are so gosh darn in style for spring. Like that baby poopie neon green that's trotted out every few years like crazy Aunt Martha at Thanksgiving, nude is the booger on the finger of the fashion world that just refuses to flick itself away.

From the Versace Spring 2011 collection.
I love everything about this dress but the color.
The color? It is booger.

Likewise, these dresses from Mango's Spring 2011 collection feature some lovely detailing and shaping. But you wouldn't know it because they are just so wallflower.

I'm not sure why this trend still persists, because nude is by no means an easy shade to wear. When it works, I suppose it imparts a certain jet-setting-off-to-Capri vibe. When it doesn't, it makes you look like you spent lunch hoovering down a platter of bad shellfish.

However, there are two exceptions to my fatwah on nude.

If an Hermes Birken bag like this one suddenly fell from the sky and clonked me on the head? You betcha I'm going to clutch it to my bosom like a newborn puppy and spend the rest of my life giggling over my good fortune.

I also loves me a neutral, dare I say nude, shoe. Like these Astors by Jessica Simpson. Which I spent all last fall stalking on eBay at a rock bottom price and now have tucked away in my closet just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to justify wearing without socks.

I'm also digging these Vince Camuto "Norda" perforated pumps and will most likely have to add them to my list of must-haves for spring:

So, tell the Bitches. What do you think of nude? Do you wear it? Own it? Want to riddle the trend with bullet holes and raise the clarion call for more navy, darn it, navy!?!

I Got the Wardrobe Blues

2011-01-25T09:57:00.012-07:00

I found a long wool fringey sweater with a hood—like this one—at a smokin' hot price on Ideeli. It was long, it was wool, I was sold. It was such a good price it would have been criminal to turn it down.

Everybody out there who didn't buy this? You're goin' to jail!

"Wow," you say. "That is a really nice bathrobe!" And you'd almost be right. I meant for it to be for weekend apparel when I bought it. However, due to a certain, shall we say, closet ennui, it's made its way outside and onto my body in public and at work. Oh, the horror.

This is the problem with having a closet full of neutrals: Black goes with gray goes with white, goes with a touch of red, goes with leopard. Suddenly there you are, in your closet of fashion Garanimals because everything goes with everything! Plus, it's been cold here, and on days when it's cold out, I want to wear a blankie.

Today, in a half-hearted attempt to dress up, I paired it with my most recent fabulous post-xmas sale acquisition booties.

BCBGeneration Clog Booties

As a matter of fact, yes, I do look like Stevie Nicks, thank you (except I'm about a foot taller).

This fringey thing is just a slippery slope to fashion hell. Soon I'll be wearing it to Wal-Mart, with a bud light t-shirt and Crocs. Like a Snuggie.

Thank you, People Of Walmart, I now need eye bleach.

Rule Britannia

2011-01-03T08:46:00.036-07:00

Note: this post is the last in a series in which the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothes from our own closets.

Posh Eclectic - What's it mean?

Moi: If California Casual is quintessentially an American born 'n' bred look, then Posh Eclectic belongs squarely to the Brits. To me, it embodies a kind mad cap, devil-may-care-evening-gown-with-Wellies glamor that I imagine certain of Britain's upper crust likes to engender when:
A. Proving to the hoi polloi that they are most certainly not snooty, they're lovably dotty, why just look at how we pair our furs with tattered jeans! or
B. Embarking once and for all on the downward slope of the journey towards fun on mental instability.

Pirate: This look is all about blending styles - it's the name you give it when your dress is mod but your jewelry is rock and roll. . . or when your entire outfit came from Anthropologie. It's the look when things that don't look like they should look good together still look good together - like the fancy dress and the grandpa cardigan. This may sound like a catch-all style, but it's more polished than that. Posh Eclectic definitely takes a little time to think through.

Posh Eclectic Icons

Moi: To me, Kate Moss can serve double duty with this one, due in large part I think to her tendency to mix a variety of different styles into one look:

As well as to somehow manage to always look just a tad disheveled, regardless of the time of day or occasion:

I would also include Russell Brand in this category, although I'm sure he'd protesteth that, no, no, no! he is really rock and roll.

Pirate: She's probably an unfair posh eclectic icon since she makes her own clothes (and lord knows she's heavy on the eclectic), but I favor Dame Vivienne Westwood.

Her personal style and her fashion lines combine traditional glamour with far-out outrageousness in ways that are equal parts quirky and elegant.

Plus she is just cool. She is the mother of the Punk Rock movement, and at 69 is still a fearless couturier.

The Pieces

Moi: Posh Eclectic is just that: beautifully detailed items made from luxurious or luxurious-looking fabrics (velvet, silk, lace, satin, fur) that are put together with other luxurious items in a kooky or off kilter way. This is the time to pull out the ol' Edwardian-style velvet jackets, fitted tweed blazers, English riding pants, ruffled silk blouses, circle skirts, vintage silk dress, Fair Isle cardigan, and fur gillets. In fact, if there's one style that just begs for anything fur, it's Posh Eclectic. Footwear includes lace up granny style booties, Wellies, t-strap sandals, and retro-looking wedges. As far as accessories go, just about anything goes, but this is the time to show off your grandmother's velvet and cameo choker, that tangled metal and pearl necklace, and Victorian jet bracelet.

Pirate: . . . or, you could just go spend some money at Anthropologie. Pretty much all their looks embody the glamorous-paired-with-weird that inexplicably looks really great and well-assembled.

Putting It All Together

Moi:

BB Dakota faux fur vest, unknown stretch lace ballet top, thrifted faux pearls, Gap boot cut jeans, Yellow Cab NYC silk satin pumps.

BCBG silk cropped kimono jacket, Tracy Reese lace pencil skirt, Jessica Simpson Astor slingback peep toe pumps.

BCBG velvet cropped jacket, unknown lace camisole, Anthropologie chandelier drop necklaces, Garnet Hill jersey ruffled skirt, Hue tights, Born riding boots.

Pirate: If yo're putting new things together in your closet for the first time and pairing styles you're not sure about, it can be a big risk. So, um, yeah: sometimes pulling off the Posh Eclectic thing takes some balls.

BCBG "Natany" OTK boots, BCBG runway tutu, BCBG sculpted jersey top, BCBG faux fur shrug

But sometimes, it's just a matter of pretending. As in, I'm pretending I'm going to the stables for my morning constitutional, but really, I'm going to work.

J Crew riding pants, Vince Camuto "Fivvy" boot, BCBG drape-front cashmere cardi, J Crew silk ruffled blouse

Rock and Roll + Gamine = Posh Eclectic

Vince Camuto "Fivvy" boots, Ted Baker asymmetrical kilt, Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater, J Crew "Professor" Blazer, Gap neck scarf

Final Thoughts on this Look

Moi: I am waiting for the day when I have occasion to pair a lame evening gown with my Frye harness boots and coyote fur stole. And when everyone at the grocery store shoots me weird looks, I will tell them, "Pfffft. What know ye of Posh Eclectic fashion! Now get that straight jacket away from me."

Pirate: Be fearless; take risks in your closet. If you think it might look good together, try it. So long as it fits you and looks good on you, chances are very good that you can pull it off. Even if you don't, there's nothing wrong with a good learning experience.

Up next: well, shoot. we're out of looks in the Lucky Book. Maybe it's time to field questions from the audience -- feel free to Ask The Bitches anything - we love questions!

Pirate Does Rock and Roll? That's Not News.

2010-12-03T09:03:00.018-07:00

Note: this post is number 9 in a series in which the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothes from our own closets.

Rock and Roll - What's it mean?

Pirate: Like Bombshell, this look is pretty easy to interpret. The Rock and Roll look embodies the fashions of your favorite rock and roll icons, but put together in a way that doesn't make you look like you're ready to go on stage. I always think of Rock and Roll as a middle finger to the rest of the week, wardrobe-wise: this is the look where it's okay to put pieces that appeal to your inner teenager together with the pieces that your outer grown-up has to wear. It's a grown-up sized step away from my high school days when I was constantly skirting the edge of acceptable fashion. But it's not a costume—this is a look that is edgy and fun. It may help to think of it as 'Rocker Chic' rather than rock and roll, to think of it in grown-up terms.

Moi: I'm up to my eyeballs in work this week and am barely able to make it out of my pajamas or running clothes, so I'm going to hang up my leather jacket, my skinny pants, my sequin waistcoat, and my stiletto booties and let Pirate take point on this one.

Rock and Roll Icons

The classic Rock and Roll Icons include Crissie Hynde (whom Moi loves with every ounce of her being):

Debby Harry:

Patti Smith:

and more recently, Kate Moss:

But before I lose my punk rock cred, I will say that I don't claim these artists as my favorite musicians, their music was always far too mainstream to me. My personal idea of a Rock and Roll icon is Wendy O Williams (RIP). Wendy O wasn't really a big fan of clothing, so she kind of doesn't work for this. The classic rock and roll icons' part sexy / part bad-girl style, however, is another story. These are the women who had the wild smarts to put leather with leopard with red stilettos, and make it classic. To take this look to work as an adult takes some thought.

The Pieces

The basic pieces for a strong rock and roll look are denim and leather, mixed with a few girly-girl pieces (pencil skirts, tube skirts, goth dresses) and some harder, edgier pieces (studded jewelery). I looked in my closet on this one and was actually a little shocked. Unlike Arty Slick where I have a "strong tendency," I own almost every essential piece in the rock and roll repertoire: skinny jeans, sparkly tank, zippered shift, skull ring, tuxedo jacket, concert t-shirts, over the knee boots, motorcycle jacket. . . Oh yes. I think I have found myself on this one.

Many fashion lines are doing rock-and-roll type pieces that can easily be paired with your work-day wardrobe without going too far over the edge: for example, glammy t-shirts you can wear with a nice jacket and skirt, or leopard print accented anything.

Putting it together

The key on this style is to try not to go too crazy with the denim or the leather, or you'll look like you just finished your shift at the local biker bar. It helps if you understand t-shirts and jeans better than anything else in your closet, and aren't afraid of crazy shoes. This isn't essential to putting together Rock and Roll looks, but it sure doesn't hurt.

Calvin Klein zippered funnel-neck shift, Alexander McQueen heart shoes

To me, one of the most appealing aspects of this style is its pure irreverence: take a grown-up piece (like this school-boy blazer) and put it with something unexpected (fine Italian silk scarf, with skulls) just to confuse people.

J. Crew "Professor" blazer, J. Crew t-shirt, J. Crew vintage toothpick jeans, Alexander McQueen scarf, Vivienne Westwood for Melissa plastic pumps

Outrageous is good too. Try wearing "outrageous" in public and just pretend it's okay—and it'll be okay. Of course it's okay to wear the Bellboy jacket out in public. Over the knee boots? Hell yes. Why not put them together?

Forever 21 jacket, linen skull scarf, jCrew vintage jeans, BCBG boots

Yes, I like a lot of shredded denim - but you don't have to wear the shredded denim to get the look, you can wear your good jeans and still feel a little bad-ass. Wearing a concert t-shirt with a good blazer isn't just a look for boys, you know...

Cartonnier for Anthropologie linen tuxedo jacket, J. Crew vintage jeans, J. Crew belt, Vampire Weekend t-shirt, Vivienne Westwood for Melissa shoes

In this look, it's always okay to mix animal prints.

Black skinny jeans, Gap t-shirt, Anthropologie vest, sparkly leopard scarf, Madden Girl satin zebra peep toe pumps

And wearing a motorcycle jacket adds a little bit of tough to any look

Harley Davidson distressed leather jacket

Final Thoughts on This Look

Although this is maybe not a look suitable for every day, you can certainly get away with elements of it on any day. I love wearing elements of rock and roll as part of my individual style every day.

Next up, we close the event with Posh Eclectic!

SUV Fashion

2010-11-22T16:51:00.041-07:00

Next up is post number 8 in a series in which the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothing from our very own closets.

American Classic

What does it mean?

Moi: To me, American Classic is the most no-brainer of all the looks in the Lucky Guide, perhaps because it is the look that I most gravitate towards. After all, I live in the American Southwest, and although American Classic is a riff on what the Guide calls our, "collective fixation on the Northeastern-elite lifestyle," there is about the style something that is equally representative of the American ideals of rugged outdoorsmanship, individualism, and egalitarian ease. It's no accident that Ralph Lauren, the King of American Classic, spent his most creative years drawing inspiration from the Rocky Mountain Southwest. One of the very first designer pieces I bought for myself was one of his Santa Fe Style Prairie Skirts, and I am a Lauren fan to this day.

Pirate: This is the look that is the fallback look for me. It's my uniform. It's what I wear when I can't think of what to wear. Best of all, it fills so many gaps: it can be worn casual and/or professional, it's comfortable, it's easy. Shopping for it is a snap: it's basically everything J. Crew. It's also everything Land's End, Eddie Bauer, LL Bean, Talbot's, Ann Taylor . . . you get the idea

American Classic Icons:

Moi: When I think American Classic, I think three people: Jackie O, representing the East Coast's jaw-clenched preppy elite, and Lauren Hutton, representing the rest of the country's easy-breezy outdoor vibe. And, of course, one of my all-time favorite fashion icons and all around emulatable gals, Katherine Hepburn.

Pirate: Hells to the Yes on Lauren Hutton, who I remember re-discovering when she did a fashion shoot for J. Crew a year or so ago and wore all denim and white. She looked classic and fabulous, as ever. I also think of Lauren Bacall as an American Classic fashion icon: at 86 years old, that woman is a national treasure to fashion. She's all business, all classic.

Bacall then . . .

And now—such class.

The Pieces

Moi: The thing about American Classic is that, depending on material, designer, and craftsmanship, the pieces can be either high or low brow: polo shirts, silk sheaths with embellished necklines, double breasted jackets, penny loafers, cardigans, cashmere twin sets, and English riding boots on the one hand; jean jackets, slim white slacks, corduroy blazers, white button-downs, and tennis shoes on the other.

Pirate: This look surprised me in that every essential piece in the repertoire was something I could easily find in my closet (except for tweed—I seem to be lacking the simple tweed skirt that is so much a part of the look). The part I struggled with the most on this look is accessories, mainly because there's not much. The staples are pearls (studs and chokers), and gold (link bracelets, rings, hoop earrings). Although I have them, I often overlook their simplicity, and this look is all about understated elegance. I would argue that most women's best pieces in their closet are probably American Classic staples—your good blazer, your nicely pressed button down shirt, and your softest cashmere are probably all American Classic cuts.

Putting it all together:

Moi:

Banana Republic chambray button down shirt, Ralph Lauren cashmere pencil skirt, thrifted pearls, BCBG boots

Vince cable knit cashmere sweater, Sparrow cardigan, Banana Republic wool scarf, Anthropologie belt, Pilcro corduroy jeggings, Børn riding boots, vintage Navajo pawn sand cast cuff

DKNY pinstripe blazer, NYC & Co white button down cotton shirt, Dolce and Gabanna white cotton pants, Peter Som leather wrap around belt, Anthropologie necklace, Unisa metallic sandals

And, finally, my "uniform." Some version of which is pretty much my daily, non-business go-to outfit in the fall and winter:

Atelier four season wool blazer, Vince cable knit cashmere sweater, Betsy Johnson belt, Gap jeans, Arturo Chiang boots

Pirate: I am actually having to narrow down the looks, they really are that easy to put together. Here's an everyday easy business ensemble:

J. Crew 3/4 sleeve "perfect" button down shirt, J. Crew stretch wool pencil skirt, J. Crew "Juliet" patent leather mid-heel

Slightly dressed up casual, work-appropriate (depending on where you work), or weekend appropriate:

J. Crew cashmere t-shirt, short-sleeve white button-down, J. Crew velvet pinstripe blazer, Michael Kors skinny jeans, J. Crew pointy-toed herringbone flats

I'm starting to see a theme here on where my clothes come from . . .

J. Crew "Dream" turtleneck, J. Crew vintage matchstick cords, J. Crew leopard patent belt, Vince Camuto "Fays" over-the-knee boot

Equally at home at the stable or the desk:

J. Crew 'Thandie" felted wool jersey double breasted blazer, J. Crew toothpick riding pant, J. Crew "Frances" ruffled silk top, J. Crew "Flannery" menswear detailed heel

Final Thoughts on this Look:

Moi: For better or for worse, American Classic is how I dress myself about 80 percent of the time. I think, for me, it's all about the organic, tactile nature of the fabrics: lush cashmere, crisp cotton, weathered leathers, and lightweight wools.

Pirate: This is a look that's all about closet classics—these pieces should be your everyday staples. It's easy to put together, comfortable to wear, and looks good on any body type. The key is to have good quality pieces in your wardrobe—spend the money on good quality items, and they will keep you looking good for many seasons.

Up Next: Pirate and Moi do Rock and Roll. It's about $*#@ing time.

Closet Curators

2010-11-15T21:06:00.035-07:00

Note: this post is number 7 in a series in which the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothes from our own closets.

Arty Slick - What's it mean?

Pirate: To me, Arty slick is not well named. Maybe you got the right picture in your head, but when I heard "slick," my head went straight to 1930's Gangster Chic . . . which has nothing to do with this look. Arty Slick is all about not blending in: it's minimalist, it's stylish, it's avant-garde, and it's weird. Everything about this look is about making the wearer stand out from the pack . . . to a point, since the main colors in the Arty Slick palette are black and white. Other "industrial" colors are allowed, but black and white are the mode of the day.

Moi: I had the opposite response. Say Arty Slick to me and my mind races back to my art school daze, when everyone seemed so angular and minimal, as if the story of their lives were being sound tracked by Joy Division. Black draped sheath dresses, skinny jeans worn with wafer thin cotton tees, and tangled, jutting pieces of metal "jewelry" were the order of the day. However, even though I know this look well in my brain, re-creating it in real life proved more difficult.

Arty Slick Icons

Pirate: Arty Slick icons are the fringe-ey weirdos of the celebrity world who are highly respected and celebrated for their fringe-ey weirdness. Most notable icons include Tilda Swinton,

Bjork
Isabella Rosellini,

and Donna Karan.

Yep, Donna Karan, whose extremely functional clothing line is worn by pretty much anyone, is an Arty Slick icon.

Moi: Double yep. The only thing I want to add here is that if I had a bajillion dollars, I'd own every piece of clothing that came out of Donna Karan's Fall 2009 collection. Her draping is out of this world.

The Pieces

Pirate: Pieces defining the Arty Slick look are often asymmetrical, or drapey, or edgy, or graphic, or just plain unusual. Jewelery is sculptural and/or over-sized. One of my favorite arty slick essential pieces is an off-kilter kilt—when I realized I had three of these in my closet, it occurred to me that this look was already in my wardrobe DNA.

Moi: I own at least a half dozen jersey draped tops, a couple asymmetrical draped tees, draped cardigans, and a few pieces of modernist style jewelry. But my absolute favorite Arty Slick-ish piece is a pair of black silk Karen Millen parachute pants that I was slavering for at the beginning of summer and which I managed to snag at a deep, deep discount.

Putting it together

Pirate's Outfits
In the Lucky Guide, Isabella Rosellini says that she, "look(s) at clothes as if they are pieces in the Guggenheim." I took this to heart when I put together my Arty Slick looks. At least one piece in each look has a story: purchased in Europe in some out of the way boutique, or hidden in my closet because it just has magic properties. Every one of my Arty Slick looks incorporated favorite pieces in my closet put together in a way I hadn't quite thought of until now—and they just. . . clicked. Somehow, weird, unusual pieces work exactly right with other weird, unusual pieces. It helps when all your weird pieces are in shades of black, white, and grey.

A black pencil skirt is a very wearable thing, but a furry black pencil skirt is a little bit of a challenge. Especially if the skirt has a kangaroo pouch.

J. Crew Tuxedo shirt, White House/Black Market laser-cut platforms, Alexander McQueen b&w scarf, Ted Baker merino fur pencil skirt.

Did I mention it's made of fur?

These trousers I refuse to part with because they're magic, I tell you, magic! They are the oddest find ever—not quite blue, not quite black, with a tuxedo stripe detail up the leg, and they're made of a fantastically draping synthetic. They're difficult to wear because they're wide legged and 3/4 length. They don't really belong to any one season, but they fit like a dream and I refuse to part with them. They came out just for this look:

Karen Millen sleeveless white zipper top, BCBG drape-front grey cashmere cardi, Jessica Simpson chili red "Astor" platform peep toe slingbacks, Anthropologie chile red sculptural necklace, Ted Baker blue/black tuxedo 3/4 length wide-legged trousers

Here's my off kilter kilt, long hidden, now found. The shapeless poncho pairs beautifully with the skirt, which also has a big ol' pocket right in the front. I love this kilt so much that I bought two in different colors, because I felt so strongly about how it expressed my inner "weirdo." The boots with hook-and-eye detail all the way up the shaft are kind of Goth, which I consider a sub-set of the Arty Slick look.

Banana Republic white shirt, Anthropologie "Silver Cloud" poncho, Donald Pliner boots, grey wool asymmetrical Jigsaw kilt, Cartman the grey cat (whom Moi will eventually steal)

My favorite modern drama everyday look. It's easy to wear an over-the-knee boot with this look because I don't resemble a pole dancer in the slightest. I look serious, in an arty way.

BCBG grey leggings, BCBG black leather over-the-knee boots, Karen Millen black asymmetrical zipper cardi, Alexander McQueen b&w scarf

Moi's Outfits:
This is an outfit built for an evening of cheap wine and expensive art. Where everyone stands around in tilt-headed contemplation of $12,000 piles of fiber and paint and steel uttering things like, "Paradigm-busting interpretation of post-modern methodologies," when in their heads they're thinking, "Christ on a cracker; my eight-year old could have made this."

Fremont silk jacket, Zoa tie-dyed asymmetrical tank, Karen Millen silk parachute pants, DKNY faux lizard gladiator sandals, Sigrid Olsen medallion necklace.

This is what I'd wear to work if I worked in an office that was just slightly stick-in-the-muddish and I fancied myself . . . just a bit of a rebel? I dunno. I'm not much for head-to-toe black and white. I do like the way the shoes thumb their nose at all that monotone, though, while still retaining the Arty Slick industrial edge.

BCBG shirt and skirt, Chanel studded cuff, BCBG "Ivanka" peep toe pumps.

This outfit comes closest to how I tend to dress in my every day life. Even though the over-the-knee boots are suede and therefore a tiny bit more Boho than Soho, I think they can impart an Arty Slick vibe, too.

Banana Republic wool cardigan wrap, BCBG navy jersey drape top, CAbi black stretch skinny jeans, Dolce Vita over-the-knee suede boots, unknown "tangle" necklace.

Final Thoughts on This Look

Pirate: I found I could do Arty Slick much easier than I thought I could. Here I was thinking that Arty Slick was a "them" look, and it turns out it's also "me!" I was pleasantly surprised to find that it's a look that I can get away with every day if I want to.

Moi: While I initially fumbled and bumbled, in the end, I began to look at all the slick, drapey, "weird" things in my closet in a whole new way as well. I was even inspired to purchase an entirely new Arty Slick item, from Anthropologie, no less: Although, I do plan to wear this with color.

Up next: Pirate and Moi do American Classic

Mod-Er-Ate Moi

2010-11-08T16:06:00.022-07:00

All righty then, here we go with post number 6 in a series in which the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothing from our very own closets.

While Pirate got to release her inner sex kitten with her Bombshell post of a few weeks ago, I was tasked with releasing my inner . . . Mod. Yeah, baby. And in so doing, discovered that while I'm not at all crazy about the style (I think it works best on young gals with walking stick insect bodies, not athletic JLo types like Moi), I actually have quite a few pieces in my closet that could be considered Mod. Go figure. Not to mention the fact that I still retain what seems to be quite a Mod-ish haircut (note to all you gals considering a pixie crop, just remember: grow out is a bitch).

The look we now call Mod originated in swinging 1960s London and was basically the invention of one woman: Mary Quant.

Mary was hailed a fashion pioneer for her stark, streamlined silhouettes, the use of black, white, and primary colors, and an over all futuristic feel. With Twiggy as her muse, dresses got shorter, boots higher, shoes flatter, and hair, whether long or short, most definitely sleeker.

Key pieces include: flat boots, square stacked-heel shoes, stovepipe black pants, mini-skirts, turtleneck sweaters, wide-legged jeans, knit sweater dresses, swing/shift/a-line dresses, and statement coats of all kinds.

Modern day Mod is being reinterpreted by designers like Norma Kamali and Diane Von Furstenberg, here:

A certain Mod vibe seems to cling to a few Young Hollywood celebs as well, like Emma Stone and Zooey Deschanel.

Realizing that I don't have a single thing in my closet that makes me look like a stewardess on the next flight to Mars, I nonetheless gave it the ol' college try with something in the signature Mod palette, black and white:

LL Bean cashmere turtleneck sweater, Banana Republic hounds tooth pencil skirt, New York and Company belt, Hue tights, Söft booties.

Do Mods live in Minnesota? They do? Good, then maybe this outfit qualifies.

Isabella Bird leather car coat, LL Bean cashmere turtleneck, Seven for All Mankind bootleg jeans, Gianni Bini boots, adjustable Lia Sophia pendant necklace.

My attempt at an Anne Margaret vibe. Only minus the Anne Margaret.

BCBG sweater, adjustable Lia Sophia pendant necklace, CAbi black stovepipe jeans, Calvin Klein silver snakeskin slingbacks.

Statement coated:

And knit dressed:

CAbi wool "Shakespeare" coat, Garnet Hill wool sweater dress, brushed metal and elastic belt, Hue textured tights, Børn riding boots.

And, finally, as close as I could come to the signature Mod look: A-line or swing-shaped dress, tights, and stacked-heel shoes:

BCBG silk shift dress, Hue tights, Gianni Bini black leather peep toe pumps.

While none of these outfits are anything that I wouldn't necessarily wear, neither do I think they are really Mod in the fullest sense of the word. To me, Mod carries with it a definite costumey vibe, which is probably why it's the one style I find myself least drawn to.

Up next: Pirate and Moi do Arty Slick.

shapeless things

2010-11-03T08:17:00.017-06:00

While Moi is away slaving over a hot laptop, we'll take a break from the Lucky throw-down to pique your interest in a trend we've been watching closely: the poncho.

Yes, I said poncho.

The first image in my head when I see that word is the $10 acrylic thing I bought in Juarez one lost weekend. It had llamas on it and a fringe. It fell past my knees and smelled of lanolin. I felt like Clint Eastwood when I wore it. My kids have ponchos in their wardrobes too. They are the single most favored winter clothing items they own, probably because it's the equivalent of wearing a blankie in public. I can totally get behind this trend, I know on some days I'd love to wear my blankie to work too.

The new poncho bears no resemblance to the old hippie picnic blanket that doubles as a tent. It is no longer a crocheted square with a hole for your head. It does not smell like patchouli, and it is not a woolen muumuu.

The new trend in poncho is shorter and slimmer construction , showing off your waist and creating a longer silhouette. It is chic and refined, and sometimes calls itself a capelet, or shrug.

Land's End Heritage Capelet

Not a llama in sight.

BCBG Faux Fur Shrug

Be warned: these pieces look like knitted sacks on a rack, but once on, they look chic and cozy with boots, leggings, and pretty much any shirt you like underneath.

Anthropologie Thousand Words poncho

You can also totally change the look of your favorite sheath dress by throwing one of these warm fuzzies over the top.

Forever 21 Looped Poncho

Like my old Mexican hippie find, the new ponchos in trend-ville are not expensive, although they can be tricky to find. I skipped over one on a sales rack because it looked like a disheveled pile of yarn. I happened to see someone else trying one on and saw how awesomely it worked, right away.

If you spot one, be fearless: go try out this new trend, and let us know what you think.

KaBoom

2010-10-20T21:38:00.012-06:00

Note: this post is number 5 in a series where the Bitches attempt looks from the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style using clothes from our own closets.

Bombshell is a look that really doesn't require a lot of explanation.

Thanks to Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Sophia Loren, Betty Page, and dozens of other cinematic beauties of mid-20th century, the very word "Bombshell" is synonymous with sexy women. Classic Bombshell is pretty much exactly what you're picturing right now.

Just because the bombshell icons that come to mind were in their glory at least 50 years ago does not mean that there aren't some modern bombshell beauties out there

Witness, Dita Von Teese:

and Scarlett Johansson:

I probably also don't need to tell you that the classic bombshell look is all about boobs and butt: the fashions emphasize a curvy, womanly figure with fitted tailoring, sweetheart necklines, cinched-in, high-waisted skirts and trousers, sparkly things, corsets, leopard print, and high heels. Sexy, girly things.

It used to be that women who dressed sexy or wore snugly fitting clothes were viewed as promiscuous because of the potential for sex-appeal, but that's not the case anymore. Bombshell is a look that's worked its way well into our fashion vernacular. Modern bombshell clothes are empowering, confident.

Let me be clear on this point: I did not start out as a girly girl. I am a feminist. Growing up, I was a tomboy. I am still, in many ways, a tomboy. But for some reason, I seem to have a closet full of this stuff. Oh yes, Bombshell I can do . . .

Leopard? Check.

Michael Kors leopard print booby dress, Jessica Simpson heels in tomato red.
Why, yes, I do feel like Raquel Welch when I wear this dress.

The perfect bombshell jeans? I got 'em!

Karen Millen Corset belt from a blouse that didn't work out, BCBG cropped skinny jeans, Sisley white shirt, Steve Madden leopard print Mexican pole dancer shoes. Yes, I wear the hell out of those shoes.

Pencil skirt and tie-neck blouse? Checkity check!

Tie neck blouse from French Connection, J Crew black pencil skirt, BCBG Ivanka heel.

Naughty secretary outfit? Hells yes.

Zipper embellished top, high-waisted tweed pencil skirt with asymmetrical flounce, and color block court shoes from one of my favorite designers, Karen Millen. She seems to have just the perfect blend of fashion and fetish for me.

Bustier? I have several.

Boot cut Kors jeans, bustier and laser-cut peeptoe heels from Black House/White Market, a clothing store that seems to specialize in Bombshell.

How a tomboy ended up with a closet half-full of clothes designed to emphasize womanly features is obvious when I think about it. The older I've gotten, the more comfortable I've become with my femininity, and the less afraid I am of getting noticed—and these clothes are all about getting noticed. These pieces stay in the closet year after year because they fit and are flattering, no matter the season. The better I look in my clothes, the better I feel about myself, the longer I'll hang on to that bustier . . . and the perfect fitting pencil skirt . . . and those heels that make me feel like my legs are a mile long . . . Many of the bombshell pieces are classic pieces that work with other looks and are timeless to boot.

So, uh, girls? Don't be afraid to show off your girls. It doesn't mean you're a man-stealing trashy so-and-so (unless your job description happens to be "man-stealing trashy so-and-so"). It means you feel good about yourself and you're not afraid to show the world you are comfortable in your skin. As Jessica Rabbit said, "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Looking California, Feeling Minnesota

2010-10-09T15:06:00.033-06:00

California Casual. I should be able to do this in my sleep, right? After all, it's how most of us, even without realizing it, probably dress. Although it references a particular geography, California Casual is the Everyman of the fashion world, the ability to dress casually and comfortably but still stylishly, and in so doing, subvert class in favor of lifestyle. Regardless of economic means, just about anyone can afford a well-fitting pair of jeans, a tee shirt, a jacket, or a cardigan.

California Casual fashion icons include Farrah Fawcett:

Goldie Hawn:

Her daughter, Kate Hudson:

Lauren Conrad:

Cameron Diaz:

And Jeniffer Aniston, who for me epitomizes the all-American beach babe, throw-on-a-pair-of-jeans-and-a-tee-and-a-jacket sensibility that has infiltrated American fashion to the point where you can't tell a CEO from a waitress just by what they're wearing on their off hours.

Key California Casual pieces include: gladiator sandals, stacked heel boots, tee shirts, button downs, flutter sleeve tunics, slouchy dolman-sleeved knit tops, cut off shorts, blue jeans, khakis, a-line and wrap skirts, denim and corduroy mini skirts, sun dresses, structured blazers, windbreakers, and aviator sunglasses. Anything that would look right at home on a surfer girl attending a Malibu beach bonfire party or a mommy-with-money antique-shopping along Ventura Boulevard.

Here's what I came up with:

Gap boot cut jeans, DKNY Jeans top, vintage Famolare Sandals,
vintage heirloom locket

What I wouldn't give for Famolare to make these Hi-Ups again. Soooooo comfortable!

Ralph Lauren cotton top, Eddie Bauer washable suede a-line skirt, Gianni Bini Campus Boots, thrifted scarf, el cheapo Mother of Pearl bracelet

Territory Ahead jean jacket, YaG Couture jersey dress, Anthropologie belt,
Steve Madden gladiator sandals

Cielo cotton jersey bat wing top, Banana republic scarf, Gap skinny jeans,
Gianni Bini lug-soled boots

Next on the agenda: Pirate lets loose with her inner Bombshell and I see if I can conjure up, like, Mod.

Euro-Cheeky

2010-10-04T21:06:00.019-06:00

What was I thinking? I was thinking this Euro Chic thing would be super easy. I like Euro, I like Chic. I could throw together some random pieces from my closet and just coast for a week. I got this, thought I.

That is, until I started reading the fine print.

Style icons for Euro Chic:

Catherine Deneuve

An accomplished French actress and model (she was the face of Chanel for many years), Catherine Deneuve continues to be an inspiration of grace and style. Truly, she doesn't seem to be aging much at all. Many people remember her for the film Belle Du Jour, a moral tale in which she played a woman with a scandalous day job, but I love best a movie she did in the 60's that was an Academy Award winner, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, an odd musical with a jazz score, all in French—which she sang beautifully. I love it so, even though it makes my husband cringe.

Bianca Jagger

Bianca Jagger, aside from being married to that rock star dude, represented a whole era of wealth and excess: wearing Halston, swanning around Studio 54, and hanging out with Andy Warhol. Nowadays she's a human rights activist with a colourful past, and still plays the part of a very expensively dressed socialite lady.

Princess Caroline of Monaco

Princess Caroline, the first born daughter of Grace Kelly, is the Princess of Monaco, where even the homeless people (if there were any) have better label acumen than I. Is there really more that needs to be said about her fashion reputation? I relate far better to Caroline's wild-child younger sister Princess Stephanie . . . but that is not the challenge at hand.

*ulp*

I love fashion. I get fashion. I have shopped in really expensive stores all over the world, and I know the difference between hot sale and haute couture, but these are some big shoes to fill. These are women who embody timeless classics. These are women who would probably never be caught wearing denim, certainly not shredded.

But let's read on anyway, shall we?

The signature look for Euro Chic includes lady-like jackets, expensive fabrics, and structured handbags. The key pieces include a big scarf, a well-proportioned oversize blazer, an elegant day dress or sheath, and a silk blouse. The colors are creams, blacks, greys. The heel heights are all sedate—nothing too high or too gaudy. The Lucky Guide seems to assume that these things are all theoretically in every woman's closet. In short, the look is all about rich old lady clothes. Think: Hermes, Lanvin, and Chanel.

I took a deep breath. I said "Versace!" three times and clicked my heels together:

I'm rich, beeyotch!

BCBG jacket from Moi's closet, BCBG big girl wrap scarf, BCBG silver silk blouse, 3/4 length trouser, and red slingback peep toe patent pumps by Nine West

This has all the Euro Chic elements: lady-like jacket that mimics the shape of the classic Chanel boucle jacket, a big fancy scarf, and a silk blouse. The colours are classic black and silver with red accents. If my wool trousers had been back from the cleaners, I think they'd have been a better choice than these cotton trousers, mainly because they were more expensive.

Closeup of silk blouse and giant scarf. The scarf is huge, vast, and the perfectly Euro Chic. Also, it's really big.

I'm loving the big scarf thing, it's a great alternative to trying to pick out exactly the right jewelry.

Day 2, I hum some jazz, and land on this.

jCrew black pencil skirt, jCrew Outlet pearl grey silk ruffle blouse, BCBG pinky-silver python kitten-heel mule.
(Note that I've acquired a second photographer, a patient co-worker who humors me if I buy her a Starbucks now and again.)

I got many complements on this outfit, which I was not expecting. I'd been wearing the ruffle front blouse paired with cargo pants and heels, and forgot that it was actually a really dressy piece. I found these shoes languishing in the back of my shoe pile. One of my first forays into heeled shoe purchases, they feature a modestly low heel and are made from some expensive looking reptile.

Note the J-Lo chain jewelry from Moi's closet: very Euro Chic in look, very not expensive to buy.

Princess Stephanie probably has a bajillion little day dresses and classic cut sheaths with pin tucks, but I bet hers don't look wrinkled the second she puts them on.

Marimekko for Anthropologie sheath dress, almond jCrew Juliet patent heels, pearls.

I love this dress, it has a flattering cut with an interesting pattern that doesn't overwhelm, and it hides so many flaws. I seem to get compliments every time I wear it. Sadly, it seems to be made of the most wrinkly cotton blend in existence, and thus, spends much of its life unworn. If it didn't look like I slept in it, I might wear it more often.

I burned a few brain cells to pull this Euro Chic thing off, but don't look too closely. Anyone who knows anything about labels would probably see right through my attempt at looking like I drove my gold-plated yacht to work. This is a look that can be parodied with less expensive clothing, but not achieved convincingly with the kind of labels I can afford.

I admit that the look did make me feel like a real grown-up for a week, and was particularly useful for client meetings. I would totally do this look again, even though I dislike using the term "lady-like."

Next up: Moi does California Casual. In her sleep . . .

You Say Gah-Men, I Say Gah-Mean, My Closet Says To Call the Whole Thing Off

2010-09-27T15:13:00.016-06:00

The problem with bright ideas is that they’re all very well and good so long as someone else implements them. Like, when Pirate originally suggested we jump ourselves out of our day-to-day wardrobe grooves, I was all, “Cool! Change is good!”

But when she suggested I tackle 'Gamine,' my bubble burst and I was all, “Huh? Gam-what now?” Because there’s little in my wardrobe that suggests, "An intercontinental mix of clean American lines and French insouciance," and a whole lot that yells instead, “Hey, Moi! Christine McVie called and she wants her wardrobe back and then Chrissie Hynde is coming over to reclaim all her blazers, leggings, and boots.”

Yes, that's the line my style straddles 99.9612 percent of the time. The rest of the time, I'm either in running clothes or sleeping.

So, in retaliation, I assigned Pirate boho because I knew, just knew, there wasn’t a single piece of gold dust woman or stairway to heaven or dog and butterfly in her entire wardrobe. And then I said, “Okay, you go first.” (Pirate Note: AHA!! I knew it!)

Because I needed time to think. And, Google. Which, it turns out, at least turned up one lucky point of commonality between me and gamine: While researching pictures of all those 1950s, early 1960s silver screen gamines like Audrey Hepburn, Jean Seberg, Shirley MacLaine and Leslie Caron, I suddenly realized that although I don’t have their wardrobe, what do you know; I definitely have their hair cuts. In fact, currently, Miss Jean Seberg (shown above) and I are haircut twins.

Well, it's a place to start, right?

As a point of reference, an everyday gamine look:

And gamine taken to the nth degree of high fashion, by no less than Vera Wang herself:

Key pieces include stovepipe pants/jeans, pedal pushers, striped sailor shirts, pea coats, trench coats, wide legged trousers, sweet blouses and tees, swing and chunky cardigans, dirndl-type skirts, baby doll dresses, and cropped, swing, double breasted, and smocked jackets. (Now, wouldn't you know: I have just about every kind of jacket in my closet imaginable except cropped, swing or smocked. The only one that came close I think I gave to Pirate). As for shoes, gamine footwear is, by and large, either wedged or flat.

With all that in mind, here's what I came up with, given the limited items in my closet, and with serious, serious apologies for the crap ass photos. We are working on that as we speak . . .

LL Bean stripey top, Gap jeans, Michelle K. flats (yes, I actually own a pair of shoes without any heel whatsoever).

I'm not sure why I own a trench, actually. I think I bought it on sale at Banana Republic a couple years ago when I was headed to Asheville, NC for an assignment. In January.

Cynthia Steffe skirt, Vince cardigan, Target camisole, Banana Republic shoes.

Although I think this hits some gamine notes, it is way too girly a look for me. Usually, I'd pair the skirt with textured hose, tissue turtleneck, and boots. The cardigan with skinny jeans, animal print peep toes, and a biker jacket.

Comfy USA tunic, Target leggings, BCBG boots, heirloom locket.

This is more in line with my comfort zone, probably because it flirts with the edge of rock and roll.

Trina Turk tie neck silk blouse, BCBG black cardigan, Seven jeans, Kensie shoes.

I'm okay with this look, too, although, I know, I know; my mother is looking down from heaven and choking on her martini out of horror that I haven't ironed those pants . . .

A closer look at the shoes. These scream gamine to me. Which makes sense because I think I've had them since I was twelve.

And that, folks, is that.

I could play around some more, I'm sure, but you know what? I don't really think gamine is a style that suits my temperament all that much. Plus, once a gal edges over 40? Her style should become much less sweet.

Up next: Pirate does Euro Chic. That's euro-Sheek, not euro-chick.

Bitches Throwdown: Pirate Does Boho

2010-09-20T21:33:00.017-06:00

Fleetwood Mac: the quintessential boho band, famous both for their style and their substance.

According to Wikipedia, Bohemianism has its roots in gypsy culture. The bohemians were artistic free spirits: writers, musicians, artists. Hippies. As a fashion style, Bohemian is what you would call the look worn by Stevie Nicks, or Joan Baez, or Jane Birkin. These are people that some of our readers will no doubt never have heard of, but trust me when I say they were über cool way-back-when.

Even though the style icons for boho were in their heyday at least 20 years ago, the look has never really completely disappeared from the sartorial scene. In fact, every year designers tackle the trend in a fresh new way.

Gucci was just one of many designers who reinterpreted the boho trend a few winters back.

Looking through the Lucky Style book, the essential pieces include boot cut trousers, peasant blouses, flowy tunics, vests, and floaty dresses. Pieces such as vintage denim jeans with boot cut legs and wrap sweaters can be paired with salvaged army jackets and wedge heels. The jewelry is usually gold-toned and organic, often with an ethnic look. Prints are ethnic and colorful. The ultimate chic pieces back in the day might have included a white, gauzy tunic, or a crocheted slip dress. Or a crocheted bikini.

Yeah, Bohemian is about as far away from my day-to-day look as I could be asked to get. My initial survey through my closet found no floaty anything. Fitted, I got. Modern I got. Peasant blouses? Tunics? Not a one. And I have absolutely zero earrings made from feathers.

So, I re-channeled my efforts. On Moi's suggestion, I hummed some Stevie Nicks and asked myself, what would happen if Janis Joplin came back from the dead and invaded my closet? What would she pick to wear from my wardrobe, and how would she wear it?

Outfit attempt number one emerged:

BCBG Wrap Sweater, black camisole, leaf-print scarf, boot-cut fitted khaki trousers, BCBG leather and chain t-strap heels.

In theory, all the elements are here—I have some leather, I have boot-cut, I have some organic print thing. I have a wrap sweater. Sadly, it's just a little too modern in cut—the wrap sweater is too short. Iconic boho wrap sweaters are all-engulfing, like something you could sleep in whilst living out of your car, or something you could hide a friend in, should you need to sneak a buddy in to a concert. Unfortunately, the colors in my outfit aren't ethnic enough. And none of it smells like patchouli.

Back I dive into my closet.

My inner Stevie Nicks takes over: Stand back! I need a little sympathy . . . stand back! and outfit option 2 comes out of the closet:

Vintage boot-cut Lucky denim jeans, Moschino floaty print top, army-style Mossimo khaki jacket, BCBG leather and chain t-strap heels.

My girls look confused: why is mommy putting all her clothes on the floor?

This outfit is a little better—it's part army surplus and part rebel. It's not quite right though. The khaki in my floaty top actually matches the khaki jacket. I'm getting the idea from the look in the Lucky guide that the colors in the look are normally earth tones, and any matching is usually an accident. This outfit looks too good—it looks matchy-matchy—and that's just not done!

Back to the closet with Stevie: Give to me your leather, take from me my lace . . .

Floaty orange/coral Banana Republic dress, brown floaty scarf, BCBG leather and chain heels

My girls are now helping, but since they're too young to know what "hippie" means, they're shooting in the dark.

Option 3 has got floaty and it's got color. It's a solid color, however—no ethnic print. Perhaps if I douse the whole thing in bong-water it might work, but as it is, it's a little too clean.

My inner Stevie wasn't really pulling together anything quite right, so I channeled some inner Janis Joplin. Here is what I actually wore. Yes, outside and in public:

Oh lord, won't you buy me a color TV . . .

Jeans: Lucky vintage boot cut, which I tripped on all day long. Thin and soft, these jeans are tightly fitted and ride low through the hips, flaring wide from the knee, and 100 percent Bohemian. I never knew how perfectly hippie they were until I wore them this way.

Top: Silk BCBG camisole lurking in the shadows of my closet. The lavender silk is a little bit modern in color, but makes up for it with an empire waist, a very boho cut.

Vest: Black velvet military vest from the Gap. The most perfectest boho accessory in my closet, this velvety piece would probably also work great with a peasant blouse, if I owned such a thing.

Shoes: Cow-print t-strap flat sandals, Steve Madden. I forgot just how popular this style of sandal was back in the day: All the good earth children had t-strap sandals straight from India, to wear with their peasant skirts and tunic tops.

Jewelry: Giant beaded boho earrings gifted from Moi herself, gold tone locket, and a big silver cuff stolen from my own mother from back in her hippie days—an authentic piece of hippi-nalia!

Did I feel like I was in costume? Yes, a little. But no one asked any awkward questions, since these were all clearly my own clothes. Plus, it was only one day, so not a big deal. Not once was I asked where the Phish concert was.

Going into my own closet with a fresh pair of eyes (WWSND?) was a very refreshing experience. It was fun to pair things in a way I hadn't thought of before, and trying on a look I hadn't done. Am I now a boho expert? Not really. I do have a certain lack of Bohemian gear in my closet. But I do have a fresh appreciation for floaty peasant blouses and tunics.

Will I start dressing boho every day? Probably not—but I got real value out of seeing my wardrobe through someone else's eyes. That Stevie Nicks does have a good sense for a feminine look.

Next up: Moi does Gamine, and we discuss the pronunciation of this French word. Is it Gah-Mean? Gay-Mine? Gammon? This and other questions answered in the Bitches next post.

bitches throw down

2010-09-13T21:36:00.025-06:00

Ever seen someone who has never really broken out of their 70's vibe and still likes the polyester pantsuits? Do you have a girlfriend who can't be talked out of her mom jeans? We Bitches have a theory about a person's fashion compass:

Without motivation, a person's fashion personality does not change much over time.

In physics terms, you could say that a wardrobe at rest tends to stay at rest. While an aging disco queen at the grocery store is perhaps an extreme example, we think that most people find their favorite style models when they are young and have kept them alive in some form, since then. As someone who is guilty of having plenty of fashion throwback tendencies, my personal theory is that my parents and the peers of my youth were my harshest critics. The crowd I ran with schooled me at a young and malleable age (sometimes not in the nicest way) on what was and was not acceptable, and what did and did not look good on me. This early critique became part of my social DNA and has stayed with me to this day. . . which is probably why I still gravitate to wanting to wear safety pins in my ears with my shredded jeans.

This presents a problem, since even L.L. Bean eventually updates their khakis: how do you keep from being, in fashion-terms, that old guy with the comb-over who refuses to change? More importantly, how do you take on a new look or new ideas without buying an entirely new wardrobe?

We bitches decided to take this on and stretch—to break out of our fashion molds and see if it's possible to do new things and make change fun and painless. Most importantly, we took this on with the goal of not spending any extra money.

For our fashion throw-down, we used the extremely helpful Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style - how to wear iconic looks and make them your own. This awesome little tome identifies 10 completely different iconic looks and the essential pieces that one would need to pull them off.

To kick it off, we picked two looks that neither of us normally wear or are particularly comfortable with and assigned them to each other:

Moi gets to try on Gamine,

Audrey Tatou and Audrey Hepburn are the best known Gamine icons. I know - they're totally adorable, right?

Jean Shrimpton is also a Gamine Icon. Naughty elf indeed!

and Pirate gets to test drive Bohemian.

Sigh. Ali McGraw was totally hot, when I was about 6.

Stevie Nicks: the ne plus ultra of boho chic.

That's right, we bitches will be sacrificing ourselves in the name of science. Er, fashion. Fashion science? Yeah, that's it. Stretch? Hell yes. We Bitches eat change for breakfast!

Can you feel the excitement? Can you? I can!! Stay tuned!

forever in blue jeans

2010-08-30T22:49:00.029-06:00

Okay, so she's in Paris. Regardless, this look is 100 percent all-American.

Like many women I know, I'm a die-hard t-shirt and jean wearer. What used to be considered "slumming it" has in the past couple decades become the quintessential day-to-day uniform. In my view, the look can be done as either fashion pyjamas, or, with the right accessories, dressed up for week day. Many a day I've shuffled into work with a modified t-shirt and jeans ensemble, girled up with heels and nice jewelry, or a classic blazer.

I'll be perfectly honest: I need another t-shirt and another pair of jeans like I need a hole in the head, or another pair of red shoes. I am always on the lookout, however, for renewed classics: updated cuts, different colors, better fits, better mousetraps. Plus, we bitches have the intention to take on a $50 outfit fashion project, so this is a good first $50 project.

I have no earthly idea what has inspired me to go looking for the perfect slouchy grey t-shirt. Maybe it's because my work wardrobe is nicely filled out while my weekend couture is seriously lacking. Perhaps it helps that so many shops are catering to this unreasonable need for new denim—here for instance is Anthropologie's "Denim Decoder" with its million be-jeansed looks. It doesn't hurt that I love taking on fashion projects, especially low-risk, low-budget ones like this. I have, for example, a long-term project that involves $30 dresses. You'd be amazed how many great dresses are out there for this guilt-free price point . . . I'll save that for another blog post.

Back to me and the unsatisfied itch and my unreasonable criteria: I want, for no good reason, the perfect slouchy grey t-shirt. I'd like a pair of perfect slouchy boyfriend jeans to go with them, but I'm not willing to pay full price for either. And when I say Perfect, I mean it: my closet is too full to put in any ill-fitting clothes. And by "not full price," I mean sale—inexpensive, but good value. The $50 price point for the outfit means I don't have to explain anything to my spouse, and we don't have to eat hot dogs.

Lots of shops I notice put the word "perfect" on their lines, so I wanted try this out to see if it really meets my standards. Does putting "perfect" on the label help me cull the herd, or does it just irritate me?

Inexpensive being my most difficult criteria, I dragged my unwilling children to me for a shopping trip to the first least common denominator shop I could think of: Old Navy.

Old Navy perfect tee

Oh how you vex me, Old Navy. This "perfect" tee looked perfect on the shelf, except that it was too slim around my big ol' arms, and a bit too blousy in the torso. Not to mention the color I was really after (the perfect shade of heather grey) was not to be found in my size anywhere in the store. I was almost willing to settle for the next best perfect color (hot pink), however, it was also not on sale. That's three in the "no" column (bad fit, wrong color, not on sale), which meant no Old Navy "perfect" t-shirt for me.

Old Navy Weekend Jean

I love pre-abused jeans. These look perfect, don't they? And at a price point of $25 on sale, they sure sounded perfect, too. Had they actually had my size I might now own a pair. Sadly, they only had one pair of the Weekend Jeans in the store, and it might have fit one of my daughters. Or not. Old Navy is kind of funny that way.

Disappointed, my only option was to keep moving up the food chain to the next best thing: the Gap, which hasn't occurred to me in a very long time. But of course I should go to the Gap for t-shirts and jeans. It's what they do best! One thing the Gap have always done in the history of being the Gap is t-shirts and jeans. And khakis. But I'm not shopping for khakis . . .

Off I went, dragging my restless young-uns on a field trip to Gap World. I promise kiddies, it will be fun! And what should greet my wandering eye at the door (after it grazed the navy wool blazers and herringbone vests)?

Gap legging jean with ankle zippers

These are not what I was looking for. They're not slouchy, they're not beat up. And yet, suddenly, I'm willing to change my goal look because (like most Gap products) these fit me. Perfectly. However, they're $69.00—kind of pricey for my project. Even so, I know from experience that the Gap is also consistent with sales: all things new eventually go on sale. Plus, the nice saleslady gave me a coupon for 40 percent off any full-priced item purchased on Wednesdays in September.

Oh. Yeah.

I almost can see my way to these because I have nothing "quite" like them in my wardrobe, and a 40 percent off sale would certainly seal the deal for me. So, while the jeans are one in the Hell Yes column and two in the not-so-fast, that means no jeans for me until next coupon day. Pout.

Gap made up for their lack of cheap denim by having perfect tees on the sale rack.

Gap Jersey v-neck tee

Gap really does not mess around with their t-shirts. Their "perfect" tees do not disappoint. I can remember a time, many eons ago, when their idea of "perfect" was not mine, but lately, they seem to stay in my closet until I kill them by wearing them to death.

I found two v-neck sun-kissed slouchy t-shirts on the sale rack in my size for $10 apiece. Perfect fit? Check. Sale price? checkity check. Perfect color? Oh yeah check me out!

I want to hate you, Gap, and your stupid perfect fitting jeans, but I cannot.

Mom, WE'RE already wearing the perfect t-shirts. When can we go for ice cream?

I know for a fact that I can spend more money on a t-shirt, and some day I'd sure like to try one of those fancy 3 Dot $40 jobs. But do I need to? Not today, when I can get instant satisfaction for $10. Okay, so it took a couple of shopping trips. But I'm all about the thrill of the hunt, me.

The jeans thing, however, is still dissatisfying. There are two Wednesdays that have to pass before I can use that coupon, and I still have no perfect jeans. So on up the food chain I go. To BCBG.

Yes, BCBG is considerably up the food chain, but my unreasonable requirement includes Perfect Fit, and in my experience, they deliver. Also, if I shop online (since I know my size), I don't have to torture my children with further trips to shopping world. They have to finish their homework, after all.

BCBG Gina Boyfriend Denim

I like nothing about these. I don't like the color, the distressing seems artificial, and the cut? The cut makes her look short, although they are on sale for $74. Woo hoo. Maybe they're better in person, when I can cuff them and slouch them—but not at that price.

BCBG distressed denim cropped

Hello, what's this! They look fitted, but not ridiculous; not too tight to be cuffed, distressed but not absurdly so, and I know my BCBG, so I have a pretty good idea of what these will look like.

Even better? They're on sale for $49 with, get this, an extra 30 percent off!

SOLD, baybee!

So that's a $10 tee-shirt plus a $35 pair of jeans - coming in pretty safely under $50. We'll try and make the next $50 project a little more challenging...

So, tell the bitches: who makes YOUR perfect t-shirt and jeans?

Key Cargo

2010-08-24T07:53:00.029-06:00

Oh, summer, I love it so. The bone-soothing heat, my garden abundant with bloom, the trill and swoop of hummingbirds and bees, evenings lounging in the cooling shade of the front porch while burgers and sweet corn sizzle on the grill. I love working up a lathery sweat during a mid-morning run and then dousing the flames with the icy jolt of a swim. I love the extended twilight lit evenings and the acrid scent of pine and sage in the early a.m. walks with the dogs. I love just about everything, in fact, about summer.

Except, dressing for it.

Sure, flirty skirts and silky jersey dresses will float my boat for a while, but it doesn't take long for me to get tired of what is basically an endless parade of tee shirts and sandals and sweat. Eventually, I start longing for the feel of cashmere and wool and leather against my skin.

Because I was cruising on the grogginess that comes from two day's worth of sleep-deprivation, I spent this weekend doing little else than surfing the sofa with a Housewives of New Jersey marathon and dreaming about my fall wardrobe. And, in that dreaming, decided that one of the key pieces I simply must have this season is a pair of skinny-legged cargo pants.

Why? I have no idea. That's like questioning the existence of the universe or why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are still together in spite of her obvious bat shit craziness and seeming inability to to quit draping her body in caftans every time she steps out in public. There is no logical reason for these things; one simply has to trust that they just are.

I do dig the "respect my authoritah" vibe she's got going on with the sunglasses, though.

Anyway.

Off to the 'net I went to investigate, with the plan to scout said items out in person on Monday.

The first pair I came across were these, from Macy's:

wow, she looks awesome from the waist down!

Good cut, good color, great price, but when I put them on, I discovered to my dismay that the rise was way too high. Because I am long in the body with a teensy waist and big-ass hips, I must be outfitted in a relatively low rise pant. Otherwise, I look like I've been caught stealing a watermelon, like Mischa here.

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa. Though art such a fair lass.
Whyfore then doth thou insist on making thyself look like utter crap?

Next, I skeddadled on over to Anthropologie. Yes, yes, I know we Bitches bitch often and bitch loudly about the endlessly twee, sometimes way-the-hell-overpriced, and oftentimes weirdly-fitting offerings of Anthropologie. And yesterday's visit didn't disappoint, as witness this terribly pretty dress by Moulinette Soeurs, which I just HAD to try on because, seriously, it would look totally awesome with my DKNY Travis Bickle jacket, some textured hose, and black booties.

...and it's exactly the right shade of Disney-barf print!

Alas, the thing is built for a freakin' linebacker, with a cavernous gape at the bodice and a skirt so tight, I'd have to go up two sizes to make it fit and then spend a gazillion dollars to have my tailor take in the top. For 150 bucks? Not. Worth. The effort.

Neither is this seemingly lovely confection called the Thousand and One Ways Wrap, but which requires waaaaay too much fussing and adjusting for something that, in the end, is just a sweater vest.

How about a thousand and one 'no's?

However, let me sidetrack a bit to tell you that this Dreamy Drape Dress IS all that and a bag of chips. Unfortunately, I need another jersey draped dress like I need a hole in my head, so I just walked away. Yes, I did.

Rest assured, however; I WILL be stalking this beauty on Le eBay.

So, where was I? Oh, yes. Cargoes. I went into Anthropologie to try on CARGOES.

Le sigh. I miss M.A.S.H.

First up, these J Brand Houlihan Cargos. Perfection on the bod. On the wallet? Not so much. Two hundred eighty smackers for a pair of pants? Not only is that bank-account endangering, it's also downright dumb.

These Pachacuti's were likewise very flattering (my ass actually looked, for once, like a proper runner's ass), and the price was right, but the crop fell in a weird spot at my ankle that wasn't about to work with either booties or flats.

Ass-cargos...What a concept!

Double le sigh. Looks like I was running out of options. Thankfully, however, I am easily distracted by all manner of objects and that distraction came along in the nick of time.

These Pilcro stretch cord leggings in a totally of-the-moment inky blue-grey hue and thin wale corduroy fit more like a pair of super skinny jeans and boast just the right rise for my bod to boot. The best thing about them is that they offer the slimming effect of a regular jersey legging, but with a much more substantial fabric, so that I don't have to worry about constantly tugging my tunic over my ass to cover panty lines.

These are ass-tastic!

Yes, readers, I bought them.

Soon, soon, my pretty little leggings, I'll introduce you to my suede over-the-knee boots, cashmere sweaters, school boy blazers, and vintage leopard print scarves. And all will be right with Moi's fashion world once again.

Of course, I know they're not cargoes. But they'll do until the right pair come along . . .

So, tell the bitches, what is your one (or, okay, two or three) wardrobe must-haves for fall?

jonesing out loud

2010-08-16T08:29:00.028-06:00

Now that the days are getting a little shorter, it's time for a young girl's fancy to turn to other, more practical things. Like getting awesome deals at end-of-summer sales, and drooling over fall collections.

Bitches are always looking to update or improve on the wardrobe classics. This might or might not explain why Pirate has three pairs of red shoes in the shoe closet right now. If you, too, are looking to update, replace, or freshen up your classics, 6pm is having a sale right now on BCBGeneration items.

...and if I didn't already have 3 pair, I might have 4.

For example, those shoes are $20. Right now.

No, we are not getting paid to tell you this. Yes, there are some killer sales. I'm not kidding. Go see already!

Karen Millen has started teasing us with some fall things that Pirate will be putting on the wish list. Like this tailored jacket.

Yes I know it's a motorcycle jacket - but LOOK at it!

Karen Millen also managed to put two of Pirate's favourite things into one gorgeous item. Behold, the awesomeness that is the Draped Military Cardi.

Draped and Military - that's like putting peanut butter with chocolate. Or cherry with coke.

In fact, Moi is hugging herself silly that the military trend into which she dipped her toes last fall/winter, continues into this one. However, if only she would learn to save her pesos for one, maybe two seasonal purchases and not fritter away money here and there throughout the year on SALES, she would now be the proud owner of this lovely number, also from Karen Millen's Fall/Winter 2010 Modern Military line.

This dress certainly DOES leave one wondering just what in the heck Karen Millen does in her free time. Ah-hem.

Moi is also slavering over these here hammered silk "combat" pants, or in Brit parlance, trousers.

I hear London Calling, don't you?

At the totally opposite end of the spectrum, Moi is also Jonesing for something furry, like this faux coyote vest by Michael Kors:

Oh hush. 'Round here, they're varmints.

And she would definitely buy into Ralph Lauren's whole 2010 "Bohemian Romance" line hook, line, and sinker, if only she weren't broke, broker, and brokest.

Floaty silks and lush velvets and scrumptious cashmere, oh my!

However, since Pirate really only sees the appeal of Ralph Lauren's pants, she is instead cruising the jCrew website—trying hard not to take advantage of the extra 30 percent off sale plus free shipping over $150.

It may be 90 degrees out, but I'm sure eventually it's going to get chilly again.

As with the shoes, there is always room in the wardrobe for another cardi. Or ruffled top. Or shiny, be-ribboned necklace-y thingee.

proof that I am not a tomboy

2010-08-02T09:32:00.008-06:00

Moi and I have been lusting over a certain pair of shoes, and I have finally bit the bullet. I own these bad girls.

When first I saw them, I admit I was overwhelmed by the proportions: that's a big-ass platform. Next to all the other shoes at the shoe store, these are enormous. They are also 100% girl: peep-toe, hot red, and a stiletto that could injure an intruder, should it be necessary to defend oneself.

On the plus side, the proportion of that platform means these big girls are way comfortable. They look like they should be excruciating, and they are not.

Photographer: Hey, she's 8. She's doing her best.
Setting: Needs a good clean. Anyway.
T-shirt: Hanes
Skirt: BCBG
Necklace: Anthropologie
Shoes: Jessica Simpson "Astor"

FYI, they also look great next to a pair of cycling shoes.

well heeled

2010-07-26T10:30:00.004-06:00

Dear Bitches:

What is up with this "thing" you have for high-heeled shoes?

Signed,

I Don't Get It.

* * *

Dear I Don't Get It:

We here at the Bitches get asked that question a lot. In the interest of explaining ourselves—and possibly luring over those poor souls who have yet to experience the joy of a 4" high peep toe pump—we have hereby posted a handy little FAQ to answer all the crazy questions you might have about us and the "shoe thing."

Why do you insist on wearing heels? What's wrong with a good, solid flat?

PIRATE: I never used to like heels. I used to be one of those Flat Is Better For Your Body people. I used to believe that anything that went higher than 0.001 inches was going to wreck me for life.

Well, it turns out that is not true. I wear heels several days a week, and run 20+ miles a week, and the two go together nicely (FYI, if my calves are shredded from hill work, heels are a great antidote). Shoe people these days seem to have a better understanding of how feet are made, and what women do in their shoes. They are not all evil!

MOI: Actually, flats in my opinion can be very difficult to wear. Nine times out of ten, they turn legs into tree stumps. Heels, quiet frankly, show off your legs to their best advantage. Plus, flats are for quitters.

But don't they hurt your feet?

PIRATE: Let me be frank: heels are not like flat shoes. The angle is awkward at first and does take some getting used to. Some heels are fine for wearing around the office, some are okay for working in all day. Others are what I heard a salesperson at Alexander McQueen call Dinner Shoes—you can wear them long enough to make it from the cab to the curb to the dinner table, but that's about it. Oprah calls them "TV Shoes," i.e. you wear them to look good on television. And then you go to your dressing room and put on your bunny slippers.

I think many people shy away from heels because they think wearing them is just one step below Japanese foot-binding. The antidote? Money. Simply put, good shoes cost money. Cheaper shoes are often not well made, which means they do not take into consideration the support required to cradle the human foot. Ergo, they tend to fit badly, which can mean too wide at the heel and too narrow in the toes.

Some of your favorite flat shoe makers make some really good heels these days. For example, Born make some good looking shoes that are wide in the toe box, with a substantial heel. Cole Haan have incorporated Nike Air technology into some very elegant looking shoes. Terra Plana makes some beautiful shoes that have flexible platforms. All of these are more expensive than your average PayLess special. If you like the look and you like your feet, spend the cash. No need to go broke, either. I shop carefully, and buy good shoes when they're on sale.

MOI: I would simply add that where comfort is concerned, save the stilettos for dinner or for those days at work where you remain largely shackled to your desk. Otherwise, look for a stacked or chunkier heel. If you do choose a stiletto, look for one with a forefoot platform (see below). That giant platform means that the angle between the heel and the ball of the foot isn't as painful as it looks.

The ne plus ultra of the stiletto pump: Christian Louboutin. Dribble. Drool.

The retro allure of a chunkier heel in, left to right: a spectator-style peeptoe; a slingback; a Mary Jane; an Oxford, and a classic pump.

An example of a stacked heel peep toe: The Jessica Simpson Astor that both Bitches currently covet for fall. Note as well: le platform for added support and stability.

Anna Sui is one of many designers that makes gorgeous boots with very comfortable lasts and sensible-yet-still-sexy stacked heels. This is what Moi calls a Buy Once and Fuggedaboutit Style. In other words, it may cost you a pretty penny up front, but because the construction is so good and the style so classic, you'll wear it until you die.

But you gals are runners—aren't you afraid you'll mess up your feet?

PIRATE: Well, I tend not to wear high heels when I am running, and so, I don't really have an issue.

All kidding aside, I have a desk job in which I sit on my ass all day. I don't really need to use my feet much, and so I can get away with quite a lot. Even so, I pick shoes that I can wear in my job. I only wear my big girl shoes at work—pretty much all of the rest of the time, I wear flats or no shoes, and stretch my feet and Achilles tendons often. Heels do tend to shorten your Achilles tendon, which you will notice when you're doing hill running (like we do). I compensate for this by stretching on a calf board for a few minutes every day. I also don't necessarily wear tall heels every work day of the week—I alternate with flatter shoes.

MOI: Uh, yup.

Okay, but, aren't they bad for your lower back?

PIRATE: Only if you don't take care of your lower back. As I say, I stretch, I run, I eat well, I sleep well. I take care of my body. High heels alone should not cause any physical pain in your lower back. If you are experiencing physical pain due to your shoes, you may have problems that you should seek professional help for.

MOI: Ditto.

I am not a sex-kitten. Why would I want to wear sexy shoes?

PIRATE: I'm not a sex-kitten either! But I do like to feel attractive and confident when I get dressed in the morning.

Let me see if I can explain what the heeled look does for me, in the basic terms in which it was explained to me:

* You are short.
* You have short legs.
* Using your own eyeball, which do you think is aesthetically more attractive: short and short, or tall and skinny?
* Do you want to look tall and skinny?
* Heels will make you look tall, and skinny. And sexy.

Sexy is a bonus—I really wasn't looking for sexy, but it turns out, I like looking sexy.

If you're one of those beautiful gamine women with legs up to her Adam's apple, good for you—show it off! Some of us don't have those assets, still want to look tall and skinny, and need a little help. Heels are the fastest way there.

MOI: We Bitches are also fans of a strong-looking leg. Heels do tend to show off more leg muscle than a flat shoe—so it's a look that works for us.

So, other than looking tall and skinny and muscle-ey, what's your payoff?

PIRATE: I get a lot of compliments about my shoes, and a compliment can make the difference between a piss-poor day and a really good day. I really enjoy it when someone says something nice about my shoes—and it's amazing how many women are fellow shoe whores. We are not alone! When someone say something nice to me, I feel taller (and I look taller).

MOI: Because more than any other fashion item in existence, shoes are transformative. Regardless of your height, weight, color, or religious affiliation, there's a shoe that fits. Not only that, a shoe can transform your outfit, taking something that is essentially blah to bam! in an instant. If you don't believe me, go try on your favorite jeans with a sneaker. Then a pump. See what I mean? Look, we're not talking shoes as serious therapy. If you have self esteem or other issues, get yourself to a good cognitive behavioral therapist. Get a couple sessions under your belt. THEN go shopping.

You are clearly asking for trouble wearing those big stripper shoes. You look like a hooker, fer cryin' out loud!

PIRATE: You know, in between compliments on my shoes, I do feel the occasional catty stare from women who look like they are judging me (especially when the Over The Knee Boots come out of the closet). Ladies, that's kinda rude: just because I'm wearing cougar print shoes does not mean I'm out to steal your husband (I have one of my own and one is enough, thank you very much), and it doesn't mean that I'm a trashy slut. Besides, why should you care anyway?

From my perspective, when you're a short engineer person who works with a bunch of engineers, wearing shoes that make you look a little like a Mexican pole dancer from the ankles down keeps you from falling into the Great Vortex of Frump. It also keeps my co-workers guessing.

MOI: Try not to judge a person by her shoes. Just because you don't like her shoes, doesn't mean she is evil. They are just shoes. Unless, of course, they are Crocs. Then by all means, judge away.

I only like shoes that look like lesbian shoes.

PIRATE: Good for you. Next?

Okay, okay, you've convinced me. I need to let my inner Dita Von Teese out for some air. How do I start?

PIRATE AND MOI: Low and slow! Try something square and stacked and about 1 to 1.5 inches high. A kitten heel is good, as is a low wedge. Wear them in slowly and alternate throughout the day with flats.

Helllloooooo, kitty! A kitten heel, with the added bonus of being an animal print—our favorite kind!

A low-heeled pump in a tres chic color.

Flirty retro fun in a comfy, low-heeled wedge.

Gradually add height and before you know it, you, too, could have a "shoe thing" of your own. We promise, you'll be glad you do.

you should learn how to say no

2010-07-19T13:40:00.016-06:00

I love Courtney Love. Yes, I do. Sure, the girl is a wee bit bat shit crazy, but she's also mega talented, as witness the vivid, punch-to-the gut feminist ethos of Live Through This and the glossy denouncement of all that sparkles and tarnishes in 21st Century Hollyweird that is Celebrity Skin. I even adore the tragically ravaged America's Sweetheart, although I am as yet too scared to fully crack open Nobody's Daughter.

So, yeah, wail and pound away, Courts. Sturm und drang and bang and strum. Babylon on Twitter and rant and rave on Facebook in full-on stream of consciousness nonsensical noise.

But, please! Do not. Start. A fashion. Blog.

Shit. Too. Late.

What Courtney Wore Today

Read Fashionista.com's hilarious deconstruction here, although they fail to mention the blog's most laugh-inducing facet: The three (?) people hired to actually write this thing (or is it Courtney herself, in all her addled glory? who knows?) pause midway through their slavish ramblings to devote one entire post to explaining that they are, in fact, ackshully edukated, in spite of the fact that none of them seem capable of forming a coherent sentence much less spelling something like, oh, I dunno, LOUBOUTIN, correctly.

French Fried

2010-07-06T07:25:00.011-06:00

Not only does J. Crew owe us Bitches at least a couple of gift certificates for the amount of virtual ink we continually spill over their sartorial offerings, so does BCBG.

I'm a big believer in finding one or two labels that season after season come out with pieces that flatter your body type, skin color, and pocketbook. For me, that label is BCBG. Probably half the stuff in my closet comes from this clothing brand, founded by French/Tunisian designer, Max Azria, who along with his wife, Lubov, helms the global fashion house BCBGMAXAZRIA.

BCBG stands for "bon chic, bon genre," which in Parisian slang means, "good style, good attitude." I would have to agree. While the brand does put out some pricey items (their shoes rarely retail for under $200 a pair, for instance, and I usually need oxygen to even look at the price tags for the Runway line), the majority of their pieces are well within the average working gal's budget. They are also beautifully made, exceptionally versatile, and manage the neat trick of being both on-trend for the season and yet also wearable year after year.

Best of all, unless you must have something NOW, as in, right this second or you're gonna die (which, you know, does happen on occasion), there is no need to pay full retail. BCBG is famously sale-happy, both at their outlets and on-line. Keep checking back and you can bet that the $150.00 boyfriend blazer you eyed last week will be slashed anywhere from 30 to 70 percent next month (what that says about the true cost of clothing production is a subject for another post, so for now, I'll just, la, la, la, la, la.)

Anyway. I just got BCBG's Pre-Fall 2010 notice. Yes. Fall. Because when it's 95 degrees outside with at least three full months more of sweat-producing weather to wade through, the stores are chock-a-block full of sweaters and boots. The fashion industry, it is just like Australia: it operates upside down and counterclockwise.

Here's what I'm lemming for so far:

I'm always intrigued by the expressions on these models' faces.
This one seems to be saying:
"Hmmmm . . . that looks like a quarter down there on the floor. Or is it one of those new dollar coins?"

And this cozy/chic lil' number:

Because in the winter? When I start stuffing my face and holing up in front of a full season of fall television? Nothing hides a holiday goody-induced extra 10 pounds like a floaty knit, some tights, and a pair of booties.

what the heart wants

2010-06-25T08:20:00.011-06:00

Remember a couple months back when I was Jones-ing for this?

Only it was like eleventy-million dollars and so tiny that I had to go up four full sizes just to find one that fit? But that I oh-so-adored its vibrant painterly pattern regardless of the fact that the last thing we pear-shaped gals should do is plaster our hips and ass with a print that makes a Jackson Pollock painting look like a pencil sketch?

But what are fashion rules if not meant to be broken, right?

So anyway, I never could hunt down said Tracy Reece skirt on the 'Bay, but then a couple weeks ago, Pirate sent Moi the Red Alert that her favorite sartorial outlet, J. Crew, had a similarly styled skirt on sale for way less pesos, and so, yes, dear readers. I bought it.

I heartily give it four and a half stars for construction (including a lining, always a nice touch), fit, and wearability.

Here's what I'm pairing it with today for lunch with a friend:

Impressionist pencil skirt, J. Crew
Ruffled blouse, Odille
Ruffled cashmere cardigan, J. Crew
Ivanka pumps, BCBG
Locket, family heirloom

And, later, to toughen it up a bit:

Military-style cotton jacket, DKNY Jeans
Ivory cotton top, Ralph Lauren
Zipper detail booties, BCBG
Necklace, Wear It! boutique

In the winter, I think this can easily pair with a turtleneck, jean jacket, and black boots. And save myself from my addiction to grey.

So tell Moi, what's currently lighting up your life, fashion or otherwise?

friends don't let friends eat hot dogs alone

2010-06-16T16:07:00.015-06:00

Dear Fashion Retail Industry:

I think you owe us.

Allow me to explain . . . In case you were not aware, womenfolk (in general) are innate enablers. Along with emoting, empathizing, and scratching our heads at the menfolk, enabling is one of the things that we girls do best. When we're not sure whether we should or should not, we turn to our girlfriends to set us straight. When we really, really want to, and we know everyone else will say "no," we know exactly which girlfriend to to call who will say "what are you waiting for?!"

As girls, we take this responsibility very seriously. Most of the time the answer may be "yes," but sometimes the answer is a very cautious, "Will it go with jeans?" Our solemn girl oath means never letting a pal make a fashion error.

Even so, this interaction almost always leads back to money in your pocket, Mr. Fashion Industry.

I'll illustrate my point with a recent girl/girl conversation (in which the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Mirate: I need this top. Neeeeeed it.

Toi: Of course you do. If I didn't feel so poor, I'd need it too.

Mirate: I was going to buy shoes for the kids, but I think this top is more important. Don't you think? Plus it's on SAAAALE!!

Toi: I say put the mask on yourself before you save the kids.

Mirate: OK. I guess we'll just eat hot dogs for the rest of the month. The kids will understand, right?

Toi: It's only food. This is fashion. Think of it as a life lesson.

* time passes*

Toi: HOLY COW! DID YOU SEE WHAT IS ON SALE? That skirt that you've been looking at for, like, a gazillion years!

Mirate: No. No, no, no, no, no. I already spent all my excess cashes. And I still haven't bought my children their shoes.

Toi: Did you look at the price? Did you? And did you forget what these bandage skirts to do the booty? Plus, it will go great with your sparkly top . . .

Mirate: Dang, you make a good case. You should be in sales! Alrighty, then. I'll be by your house this evening with the kids, since we can no longer afford food. I assume you have hot dogs?

Toi: I'll be cooking.

* time passes*

Toi: Speaking of hot dogs, what do you think of this?

Mirate: Well, geez, girl, haven't you been pining away for something exactly like that for, oh, the last six months?

Toi: I have indeed. And lo, it is on sale!

Mirate: Forsooth! Verily! I say you pretty much have to get it. Just don't go all hippy on me and wear it with those boots. Le yuck.

Toi: Well, duh. That's a given.

Mirate: Also, I think you should consider this to go with, since it too is on sale for a song. . .

Can you not see that these things are so totally perfect together?

Toi: You are so bad, and so right. Except, did you forget? We're eating hot dogs now.

* * *

So you see, Mr. Fashion Industry, our little chica-a-chica conversation netted you a cool wad of cash you never would have had, in the tidy space of a single day. What's more, you didn't have to lift a finger.

I say you owe us, womankind, some free good will and advertisement. I'll happily take my earnings as in-store credit, if you don't mind.

Your truly,

The Fashion Bitches

pushing the fashion envelope, a blog in pictures

2010-05-24T13:53:00.016-06:00

What I bought:

How I wore it:

What it felt like I was wearing:

What I wore to counteract the see-thru-ness :

What the Spanx felt like:

What I will purchase to wear the next time the skirt comes out of the closet:

What my co-worker saw, despite my best efforts:

What my other co-worker saw:

What I felt like I must look like when I went to the grocery store:

What I channelled to counteract all the staring:

Just Because the Past is Calling Doesn't Mean You Should Pick Up the Phone

2010-05-21T08:37:00.021-06:00

PIRATE: I have noticed, based on the many catalog missives in my in-box, that jumpsuits are back "in" and I think this is a topic worthy of discussion. What to do when a trend from decades past comes back from the dead: do I leap, or do I gag?

I will confess to having a jumpsuit which I wore to threads when I was about seven years old. I think back in the day, it was called a "romper." As a generous gesture, a friend's mom made three jumpsuits—two for her kids and one for me (yeah, what happened to the carefree 70's anyway? People don't do that anymore.). These were pretty special—made from yellow gingham fabric, and they had funky cool little patches all over them. I don't remember too clearly what was on the patches, probably mushrooms and rainbows and butterflies, I shudder to think. I do remember that it was love at first sight, and I wore that thing until I probably shouldn't have.

Also, my friend's mom embroidered our names on them. You can imagine what it's like when you're seven and someone has stitched your name and a rainbow and a butterfly on the pocket of your outfit: I was pretty sure these jumpsuits were endowed with superpowers. Me and my friends, we were like Charlie's Angels in our little yellow gingham jumpsuits. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever had any piece of clothing that was as special as that since then.

Anyway, apparently they are back—along with other un-killable things from the 70's vein, like maxi dresses (tell me again why it's good marketing to name a piece of clothing after a feminine product?) and cork-soled shoes.

What is that on her feet? Fuggs? GAAA!

Except the jumpsuits I'm seeing don't have butterflies sewn on them, and they're decidedly not "fun." This one does remind me of my gingham romper somewhat, except it's all growed up.

I can see that some of the available onesies are a little more sophisticated:

Oh but I do love her shoes!

This little BCBG number has a $200 price tag. It's silk, and she's hot, but uh, that's not office-wear. So which one, if I could, would be suitable to wear to the office? Maybe this one?

Could it be she is about to rip this open to reveal a more appropriate outfit?

But only because it's almost a dress, with extremely blousey legs, and the asymmetrically cut leg holes. Then again, the low straight-cut waist on this thing, is probably not so great for a mama with giant mama-type hips.

Not to mention the fact that it's $456.

What are your thoughts, oh lover-of-all-things-70's?

MOI: Aw, what a sweet story: your little seven year old self puffing up all girl power proud for your homemade yellow jumpsuit. Isn't it awesome, the way little kids can fixate on something to the point of total immersion? Sure, we adults do it, too, but perhaps not with quite the same innocent disregard for propriety.

I remember feeling the same way about a rainbow colored pair of hip-hugger elephant-legged pants that I wore all throughout 6th and 7th grade. Until my mother literally had to peel them of my body while I slept before sending them to that big clothing closet in the sky. Sniff. I miss them still.

Anyway. Yes. Jumpsuits.

Yea, though I worship at the altar of all things 1970s, I do so loathe the resurgence of the jumpsuit. I think the last time I wore one, I was, well, one. And then I grew up. To the point where my body is just a wee bit longer in the torso than it is in the leg. So wearing anything uni-tard(ed) tends to cut off my circulation starting at the crotchal area.

Obviously, I am not the only gal to whom this happens.

I loves, ya, grrrrrrl, but you gotta get a better stylist.

Ergo, my thoughts, simply, are this:

Unless you are her:

There's a double entendre lurking in here somewhere, I just know it.

Or, Her:

Dang, who do I see about coming back in my next life as Farrah Fawcett, minus the c-r-a-z-y?

Then, yo:
Just Say No to the Camel Toe

Yes, ladies, I'm talking to all y'all.

Fugly to the max, every last one of them.

Pot Calls the Kettle

2010-05-20T10:50:00.000-06:00

Recently, Lucky magazine declared in their How-To guide that grey is the new "it" neutral to match with this summer's bright pinks, oranges, reds, and turquoises.

I can buy that. Literally. Because for some reason, I collect items of clothing in every permutation of grey known to mankind.

I have no idea why. I mean, I'm the kind of gal who wants to smack the person who infused a gazillion women the world over with the misbegotten idea that black is not only flattering but also slimming. Sure, we should all have a LBD in our closet, maybe even a black sweater or two, trousers, handbag, boots, and a coat. But when black becomes the default shade in our wardrobes, things can go from tres chic to a one-way ticket on the Tim Burton Crazy Train to Gothville faster than you can say, aw lighten up.

I myself am strange and unusual.

So why all the grey? I have no idea. Sure, it's more flattering than black, with a tone to suit every skin color, but it's also the color of workout sweats and oatmeal and pollution-clogged skies. None of which are favorites of mine. Still, regardless of season, it's the first color I gravitate to, a bizarre Pavlovian response that makes even less sense when it becomes apparent that my reward is NOT going to be anything along the lines of a bag of Pepperidge Farms Mint Milano cookies. But, rather, a closet full of the hazy shades of winter.

First, the sweaters:

Boyfriend cardigan, v-neck, shawl-collared boat neck, cotton turtleneck for layering, cropped argyle cardigan. And they're all totally different from each other.

Then the tees, tanks, and even a vest:

Two cotton jersey bat wing tunics, two short sleeved tee-shirts, one racer back tank, one ruffled tank, one wool and leather vest. What?

And, of course, dresses, skirts, jackets, and pants:

Jersey tee shirt dress, long-sleeved wool a-line dress, bat wing tunic dress, long-sleeved wool cardi-wrap, ruffled jersey knit skirt, stretch wool pencil skirt, wool blazer, and two pairs of trouser-style pants. So it's like San Francisco fog in my closet, what's wrong with that?

The footwear doesn't fare nearly so badly.

Hey, there are at least three shades going on here if you consult the Pantone Matching System book.

However, on the nails?

Oh. Dear.

And lookee here. The ne plus ultra of jersey dresses!

There is nothing wrong with a little gray. Nothing. At. All.

Someone, please, wave something red or green or blue or orange in front of my face. Or a Mint Milano cookie. Commiserate with the Bitches: what one color dominates your wardrobe? And, are you seeking therapy because of it?

Don't Rain on Moi's Parade

2010-05-14T11:04:00.016-06:00

Enough with this wintry weather. Today, the skies threaten rain. Which I wouldn't mind so much if it also didn't hitch a ride along with gale force winds and 50 degree temps. Over all, though, I'm sick of my warm winter clothes and am itching instead to put on something cool and springy.

Like this Cynthia Steffe skirt, which has been patiently waiting all winter for just the right moment to come out of my closet. I purchased it last year for more than I should have, at the now sadly defunct Magnolia Boutique in Albuquerque, but then again, sometimes you get what you pay for with designer labels. Namely, awesome detailing, rock solid fabrication (including lining), and perfect drape.

Next to heels, I think I love wearing flirty skirts the best. I'm pretty sure they're why the word "jaunty" was invented, as well as the phrase, "Well, I never!" accompanied by a good twirl and indignant stomp out the door on said heels. I mean, just try ditching a miscreant boyfriend in 501s, a Gap tee, and some flip flops. Not quite the same.

Anyway, here's now I plan to pair it, once the weather cooperates.

Casual:

Red and white striped sweater: H&M

Pink wrap around belt: Peter Som
Shoes: Keds

Not so casual, with a twist of Boho because I just can't stop myself:

Top: Fei

Belt: Anthropologie
Shoes: Michael Kors

I will, of course, iron the thing before I put it on next. Blush.

So, tell the Bitches: what's hanging in your closet that you can't wait to rock this summer?

Nighty Night, Gaultier

2010-05-12T09:18:00.009-06:00

I'm a huge fan of Jean Paul Gaultier. Huge. Like, even before he did this thing for Madonna with the pointy rocket boobs. I love Gaultier, but mostly in concept—just try to wear garters outside your trousers to work one day and let me know how that works out, mkay?

Back here in the not-so-haute-couture real world, when I found out that JPG was doing a line for Target, you bet I beat feet to find out just what fabulousness had been created for my meager budget.

Even at Target you can tell the mark of an artist—the cut and the details are very high quality. The fabric is crap, but the originality of Gaultier comes through, even in a $39 dress. On the rack were a number of dresses, a double breasted suit (with a totally inappropriately short skirt), a beeyoooteeful little leather motorcycle jacket (a $200 leather jacket at Target? Really?) and some very wearable dresses.

I must have stood there at the rack touching and admiring for about half an hour before I tried anything on. My kids were out of their heads by this point. Mommy what is taking you SO LONG? This is fashion, kid, shuddup over there.

In the end I took home a couple of things: A draped dress (in a signature Gaultier nautical stripe), and a hot pink slip dress embellished with black lace, which I had to take because it was so sexaaay. The drape dress I have had no problem wearing, but the pink? It's built like a slip. It's colored like a slip. My spouse thought it was a nightgown. I don't have much occasion for evening dresses—I buy for office wear. How the hell am I gonna wear this to the office?

Mommy's little assistant, Twin A, came in to help me, as she often does in the mornings. She helps me pick shoes, inspires some choices, and picks my accessories with the same direct manner as the Russian Fashion Lady. This morning, I screwed up my courage and took out the pink nightie and put it with a white dress shirt and gladiator heels.

My tiny fashion critic of a daughter did not understand at all why mommy wanted to wear a shirt under the dress; her 7 year old eye was confused. She looked at me, wrinkled her brow and said "I don't get it. I thought it was a nightgown?"

Hold it right there, short-stuff: didn't you wear your ballerina skirt with your jeans yesterday? You know nothing about high fashion, missy. Besides. I. Am. Your. Mother. Now help me fix this thing.

She agreed it was much improved with some embellishments.

* Dress: Gaultier for Target
* Jacket: jCrew black velvet pinstripe
* Shoes: BCBG
* Pearls: Claires "Prom" collection

The moral of the story: though it's clear he shows a remarkable knack for feminine touches, Gaultier really is no easier to wear at 1/100th of the haute couture price.

Cold Play

2010-05-05T09:57:00.012-06:00

You know what, Bitches? I don't care how impossibly rich/beautiful/educated/married to a rock star/popped out a couple a' kids with no visible impact to your bod/celebrifried you are.

You STILL shouldn't wear your clothing two sizes too small:

Here's how the dress, designed by Miss Vicky "oy!" Beckham, should drape. Cute, no? Sophisticated, too.

But worn the other way makes Gwyneth look like some kind of weird amalgamation of space alien street hooker and the paper sack holding her can of Colt 45.

Alas, Gwyn first started hiking her skirts and tightening her bodices a full two years ago:

And she seems determined to clutch that trend to her bosom with an ever tightening grip. Hon, we know. You have epic gams. But give it a rest, will ya? And for goodness sake, get yourself to a colorist for some highlights.

A Young Girl's Fancy

2010-04-28T17:10:00.011-06:00

Hola, Beeches!

I am back from Miami, where I mostly worked my butt off, although I did scare up enough time to run on the beach every day, eat fabulous food, observe at all manner of street fashion (gladiator shoes reign, whether sky high or street-level), gaze longingly through the designer windows at Bal Harbor, spend some money at more moderately priced boutiques along Collins and Lincoln Avenue on Miami Beach, and note with interest that designer or knock-off, the trends for spring are floaty, tee-shirty, and pale, pale, pale.

I debated for days over an Alexander Wang T draped back grey jersey dress. In the end, I left it in the boutique, but put it in my queue of eBay searches.

Did I purchase anything? Of course! Mostly, however, I learned a few things. Like Zara isn't all that I thought it would be. I tried on tons of things, nearly popped for a brilliant pencil dress with architectural seaming and ruched sleeves (the color was like death on me, though), and ended up instead with a cotton red and white striped sailor top with gathered shoulders and long sleeves. Both of which I'd show you if only the stoooooooopid Zara Web site would load for me. Grrrrrr.

I also learned that Nine West shoes are doubly not all that. Tres, tres cheap in every way imaginable. As Pirate and I often say regarding shoes: the one time you most definitely get what you pay for. Flats I'll go cheap on, but heels, never. However, how could I possibly resist a 30 percent off sale AND free shipping? I simply had to find something both well made and comfortable. And, I did:

The color on these shoes is absolutely perfect – a pale dove grey that gets me off the hook in my search for a neutral spring shoe. Praise baby jeebus, because I was getting oh-so-tired of looking at fifty gazillion versions of bone.

Also crave worthy were a splendid eyelet dress at Ralph Lauren, an impeccable white cotton blend blazer at Sisley, and the BEST linen/silk drape tees at Club Monaco. In the end, I sprung only for the Club Monaco tee.

Oh, and I totally forgot to mention, I spent the most time at Nicole Miller oogling her über sexy, beautifully made, and very body-conscious-but-totally-flattering dresses. With any luck, I will snag one at an upcoming sale, thanks to the groovy sales boy who will call me the instant they go on sale.

But the thing I'm craving the most for spring are those INCREDIBLY chic, chopped cropped haircuts that Georgio Armani featured on the runway for his Fall/Winter 2010/2011 show. Oh my, these are cute, cute, cute!

Check 'em out:

Oh, I soooooooo want to chop!

Where the Boobs Are

2010-04-24T19:42:00.011-06:00

If you live under a rock (as I often claim that I do), you may not know that this coming Monday will be the day we celebrate "Boobquake." I know, it totally sounds like a bad porn movie—but it's not. It's the brilliant yet scandalous idea of a blogger in Indiana who is, as she puts it, testing a theory for the sake of science.

Here's the background: an Iranian Muslim cleric was recently quoted, claiming that women who do not dress modestly are, in a roundabout way, responsible for a high incidence of earthquakes in his country. By his reckoning, slutty clothing leads to promiscuity, which causes adultery, which leads to poor faith, which causes earthquakes. At this point you could be forgiven for drawing a parallel to the witch trial in Monty Python's Holy Grail—that's where I went.

It seems that the Clerics have, in the past, blamed the earthquakes on politics, as well as on the populace not being good enough Muslims. Never mind the fact that Tehran is sitting on a fault so earthquake prone that some experts suggest moving the capital somewhere else.

Let's not trouble ourselves with facts—back to the loose women thing.

Our friend the Blag Hag has put forth the theory that if scantily clad women are to blame for the earthquakes in Iran, why not try to really shake things up by seeing if it's true? Make Monday the day that you wear your trashiest, most revealingest clothing, and if there's a big earthquake then we'll really know that immodest women are the cause.

I know—Monday! What was she thinking? That's like, a work day for some of us! She does point out that the level of immodesty is up to the wearer—if showing a centimeter wrist skin is your idea of skanky, then let Monday be the day you go bare!

As an avowed feminist, I'm torn. The way I see it, I'm being asked to wear clothing that allows me to be objectified, in order to support the rights of women impacted by religious oppression. Boy that's complicated—did I get that right? I'm not too worried about the damage. The amount of press on this issue generated by indignant women all over the world tells me that feminism is alive and well. I for one plan to wear my Mexican pole dancer shoes AND my most boobtastic bustier.

Doe she really want to bury all those nice Iranian people in a pile of rubble? I think her objective is perhaps to force the Cleric's hand, and perhaps give him a graceful opportunity to explain to his followers why the earth didn't move when hundreds of thousands of American women dressed trashier than usual.

If there is an earthquake, however, I assume we get to take full responsibility.

boy bonding

2010-04-14T22:45:00.013-06:00

Whilst Moi is away enjoying the sights and sounds of fabulous Miameeeee (lucky bitch) I'll do my best to entertain. Gather 'round chillruns, mama's got a story to tell.

Spouse and I were invited to a dinner party this weekend by an old friend. This particular friend is decidedly the most colorful of my old friends. Allow me to 'splain...

Back in the day when we were young and dinosaurs still roamed the earth, he was on the cusp of the first of many careers he would take on in his action-man life. We met and spent many an evening riding motorcycles, and at least once that I recall, we evaded police on said motorcycle. His first career after we lost touch was racing bikes for money. Evidently, this is how you start your career in racing: you get chased by the cops.

Not long after, I understand he was also a cowboy (a career ended by a mishap with a bull) and a writer (and still a pretty decent one). He now plays bass in a local punk band and makes interesting movies.

My old friend, way back when, was also the captain of the local university rugby team. And this is how my friend and my spouse come to know each other, since spouse is deeply involved in local rugby (captaining, coaching, generally yelling at people). It wasn't long before old friend and old spouse eventually made their acquaintance.

Like most rugby players, they seemed to hit it off within a couple beers of meeting. The two of them are from opposite hemispheres of the world and they seem to understand each other—much like spouse and I do. They are, in many ways, uncannily similar people.

Mid-Saturday I got an invitation to a dinnery type event from my old friend. Being one who is always up for new stuff, I said sure, WTF, why not—haven't seen his sorry ass in too many weeks; it's about time we said hello. So we left the kids at home with a bottle of beer and some crackers, as good parents do.

Having not seen my friend's new house we got the grand tour: the wife, the baby room, the grownup room, the man cave, the kitchen, etc. We eat food. Much wine is consumed, partying ensues.

I discover at some point that my husband has disappeared, and I go trotting off looking for him. I find the two of them in the baby room, thick as thieves, trying on a collection of vintage ugly cowboy suits.

Yes, I said Cowboy Suits. Because this sort of costume is de rigeur when you're the bass player in a punk band. These are no ordinary ugly suits, these are pants and coats of the same teflon impregnated polyester material, dyed in garish hues of greenish turd and brownish poo.

What is it about the ugly that these two of my favourite men share a love of it? I'm still not sure. But they were mutually overjoyed at the sight of these hideous fashion crimes. My friend has shown a real talent for finding these things. He'd been traveling right to the heart of where one should find old ugly cowboy suits: thrift shops in my old home town in the arse-end of nowhere, New Mexico. This is where old suits go to die.

I should mention that spouse and friend are getting on like a house on fire, trying on these suits.

Weirdness of weirdnesses, the collection fit spouse shockingly well.

Were it not for the appalling color of this thing, I'd say let's take three!

Who knows how cheap he picked them up for, but when they were made, they were clearly top-of-the-line items, with the owner's name stitched on a tag in the pocket:

"This item carefully tailored for Bubba"

Now, some of these specimens were fine, fine items back in the day—with careful western-style details, like double points on the back, some with arrowheads, points and peaks on the pocket flaps. Despite the ghastly colors and material, these suits included marvelous exposed stitching, leather-covered buttons, and sharp well-tailored details. These were good suits that have withstood the test of time. They may not have not held up to fashion standards, but they will likely be in good nick for another 50 years, with proper care.

I said, I know the guy who wears these suits. He's about this tall, and has a pot belly that extends about this far past the pants. And he calls you "darlin'."

And he opens doors for you.

And he has really really nice, expensive, exotic skin boots, and a hat that cost more than your pickup truck.

This triggered my friend to disappear and come back with a stack of well-made cowboy hats, which was followed by more show-and-tell. My spouse is of foreign extraction, so perhaps it was the cultural gap that prompted it. My friend gave spouse careful pointers on hat etiquette. Such as, you never ever pick up a hat by anything other than the crown.

And it is acceptable to wear one's hat to any occasion, indoors or out, be it funeral or wedding.

And one must never, ever touch another man's hat. He claims people in Texas have been acquitted of murder charges because the assailant had touched the killer's hat.

"Well, he touched his hat, he deserved to die."

And what the shape and curve of a hat means . . .

"This hat says, I'm a cattleman, fuck you."

And he would know, my friend. He's seen quite a lot of life in his not-so-old years.

So what does it all mean, my rock-star friend, my spouse, and their shared love of hideous couture? I'm not sure, but I know you could probably catch my friend sporting them at local gigs, despite my warning that these were decidedly not in his color palette. I gather this is part of the deal: the uglier the color, the more conflicted the viewer's eye. This makes the nastier colored suits a far better aesthetic choice than something potentially attractive. Apparently ugly is the new Edgy.

I suspect that before long one of these treasures may find its way into my home for some seemingly legitimate event, whereupon I shall take it immediately to a dry cleaner.

It may be ugly, but by God, I will make sure it's clean.

April 14 cometh

2010-04-07T13:08:00.010-06:00

Dear Mr. IRS,

It has come to my attention that you want a lot of money from me this year. I am writing this letter in protest, to state my case.

It's really unfair, Mr. IRS, that you need me to fork over right in the middle of the spring season. Why, just this week, the temps have finally hit the reasonable mark. Spring is finally here, and every day I receive another coupon and another sale flyer beckoning me to come purchase lovely frocks and shoes that are just perfect for warm weather.

Mr. IRS, if you take all my money, I won't have any left to spend on this
or this

or these!

Do you understand what you'll be putting me, and the rest of my family through, if I'm deprived of shoes? Do you really? How's a bitch supposed to stimulate the economy?

Let's not forget my poor little wains, bless them, they need to be clothed too! How will I ever be able to afford to dress them in the manner to which they've become accustomed?

So please, Mr. Taxperson, Please, think of my fashion needs. The economy, the children, sure. But mostly think of my fashion needs . .

Can we strike a deal on this whole tax thing? I promise to give you a good writeup on my blog!

Very truly yours,

The Bitches

Miami, Bitches!

2010-03-31T16:23:00.010-06:00

All righty then, Party People, tell Moi, what would you pack if you were spending two weeks in Miami mid April, mostly for work, with a couple client fetes thrown in, and maybe, just maybe, a day or two free to explore the city?

So far, I got: sandals.

And sunscreen.

And a bit of fear.

Because when I Googled "Fashion in Miami?" This is what I found.

No WAY that bag goes with that outfit.

Shopping with the Mo

2010-03-23T10:25:00.003-06:00

Readers may recall, about 100 years ago, when our beloved Mo wrote in to ask for help. On getting the call, we bitches cranked up the Bat Mobile and took Mo on a shopping trip. Here's Mo's account of the experience (with Bitches commentary).

Bitches: So, Mo, what was the experience like?

Mo: Well, it was a long list of "nevers." As in: I’ve "never" been in THIS store before. I have never tried on a mini skirt and sequined top,

or a pair of skinny jeans . . .

(Bitches Note: The BCBG manager, a sunny-side-up gal by the name of Hope who had as much fun as we did, bless, her, said that no one who tried on these Motocross jeans looked good in them. No one. Until Mo came along. Mo looked like a tall drink of water in a wild ass Mad Maxian dream in these pants.)

or. . .

I would never have picked out that. In a million gajillion years.

(Bitches Note: OK, so maybe that jacket was a little too Joan Collins even for us, but I stand by my assertion that You Don't Know Until You Try On.)

It was a whirlwind of Moi and DP charging into stores, plucking things off of racks and tossing me and the whole armful into a dressing room. Several times, I emerged with something on backwards, or a jacket-type thing without a shirt underneath so it showed my belly button. But they were very patient with me. I suggested poor pairings, and was told why too matchy-matchy was not good, for instance. Some things they adored on me, and I did not (striped dress from BCBG!?!!)

(Bitches Note: Le Sigh. Ah well, the stripes, they are not for everyone.)

Other things, like this tic-tac-toe blouse, I loved on me, and I think they thought was just ok.

(Bitches Note: We totally get the unreasonable love. And it was a nice change from Mo's usual repertoire . . . and, look, Moi. Here it is with your skirt!)

So what did I get? To satisfy the party requirement, I got an awesome black wrap dress for $80.

(Bitches Note: How could she not get this dress?!? Honestly, she put it on and the room warmed 10 degrees, that's how HAWT she was in it.)

I got a pair of flattering jeans (holy cow, where did those legs come from?) for $88, and a black pencil skirt ($40) and a white ruffled moto jacket ($98).

(Bitches Note: Again with the hawtness. We calls it like we sees it.)

Later, I got a necklace, another pair of jeans, a contrast skirt, a jean jacket, and a pair of leopard patterned shoes.

I learned that shoes can really give an outfit personality. I learned a few different ways to accentuate the positive aspects of my figure which is smaller on top than the bottom. But mostly from the experience I learned that playing with different looks – even if they are not “me” all the time – is ok, and can be fun.

I am still struggling to put together outfits (BoF: don't we all!), although I have found a few things in my closet that I forgot were there. With some thought, I’ve emerged from the closet a little better dressed. It’s a process! Thanks to the BoF, I have taken the first steps!

Thank you from the bottom of my fashion starved heart,

Mo

Pirate: Mo, I've never had an easier barbie to dress. You're a good sport, a quick study, and you made it fun. I'll be happy to take you shopping any time!

Moi: Good sport was right. It did my heart glad to see that Mo just jumped in with both feet and took chances with her looks. A day without fashion is like a day without sunshine and we do so love the sun when it shines.

A Horse of Course

2010-03-17T19:30:00.015-06:00

I may have an unnatural love for all things 1970s, but clogs are the one exception. Well, and leisure suits on men. And women, although if you're Angie Dickinson in Police Woman or Teresa Graves in Get Christy Love, takin' down the bad guys with your bad ass self while never once smearing your lipstick, you get a pass.

What you lookin' at, Honkey? Ain't no clogs on these feet.

Look, I like a bold shoe. But there's bold and then there's barf ass ugly. And when it comes to the Grand Canyon-sized memo on the distinction between the two, Chanel, apparently, didn't pick up its messages that day.

Because this is what it trotted out to pair with its exquisite suits this spring.

One has to wonder, what was the inspiration behind these shoes? The National Swedish Field Hockey team? The Lithuanian Milkmaids Consortium? Mr. Ed?

And who, I want to know, is responsible for letting that inspiration wreck havoc like a toddler off its meds in a candy store?

"My dahlings. Fear not. Fashion, it is the banana on the split of life. It is the boogie-oogie-oogie to the rhyme of my reason. It is the strawberry fields under the bubble gum of my shoe. "

Oh. Right. Never mind.

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, and the Other One

2010-03-15T15:31:00.019-06:00

What is this I'm feeling? Actual ennui over shoe shopping? How is that even possible? But, for some reason, it is. I don't know if it's the fact that winter is hanging on with an alarming tenacity or that it's tax time or that I'm just overloaded with all the wedge/strappy/tribal/safari choices being drop-kicked into my email in-box on a daily basis, but I tell ya. I'm tired. And when I get tired, I make dumb choices.

Still, this weekend, in between hammering out a rush assignment, I took a deep breath and narrowed my potential choices down to three.

The Parade, by Naughty Monkey. I picture them looking totally awesome with a pair of cropped cargo pants and a scruffy tee. Besides, how cool is that name, Naughty Monkey? Or do I even want to know?

The Lyrical, by Charles David. Very versatile. More formal and feminine. And yet, and yet . . . do I need another wedge?

The Eclectic, also by Charles David. This is the one I'm leaning towards. It has a kind of American Sportswear via Michael Kors vibe to it, only without the just-stepped-off-the-yacht price tag.

What say you all?

Not Today, Coach

2010-03-10T08:44:00.006-07:00

Remember that scene in Some Kind of Wonderful where Eric Stoltz finally manages to score a date with high school hottie Lea Thompson and practices kissing with his platonic punkette buddy (Mary Stuart Masterson), who immediately upon locking lips realizes she is head over heels in love with Stoltz, but in typical thick-as-a-brick teenage male fashion, he won't realize for another 95 minutes that the person he really loves was right there under his nose the entire time?

That's the relationship I might possibly have with my shoes.

A couple posts back, I wrote about my spring fever for a pair of neutral-colored wedge or platform sandals. And it's not like I'm having trouble finding one – Piperlime and Endless and Nine West are chock-a-block full of hundreds of styles and price points. To many, perhaps. The choices are so infinite, that I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in math class. I just can't make it all compute.

However, if you've even cracked for a second the pages of any recent fashion magazine, you've most likely seen the pair I've been stalking for a few weeks. What I have considered to quite possibly be the perfect pair of neutral spring shoes.

It's the Stefanie by Coach, a 4-1/2" stacked-heeled gladiator-esque beauty that makes my heart jump into my throat just looking at it. Only problem is, it's a bit pricey, coming in at nearly 200 smackers. Not bad if you consider the quality of the brand and the fact that the style will skip lightly through all four seasons and, with care and maintenance, the rest of your life.

So.

Off to Dillard's last week I went to try it on. Oh yes, it is a most high quality shoe. Beautifully put together with soft as butta leatha and a cushy foot bed guaranteeing a smooth ride, regardless of your destination.

The one thing that didn't ring my bell was the color. Pirate and I have discussed before the danger of the neutral trend. The right tone of pale can make you look like you were born to yacht the Côte d'Azur.

But pick a wrong one and you may as well teleport yourself back in time to the plague-ridden Dark Ages and wait to be scooped up off the streets for burial. Because dead is never a good look on anyone.

Sure enough. On my foot? The Stefanie, she disappeared. Poof! Melded right into my skin as if they had both been created out of the same tube of burnt sienna mixed with just the right amount of white. The only thing you could see were the buckles.

Was I disappointed? Not really. Because had the shoe been faboo, I could possibly have been out $200. This way, I can do something really revolutionary and spelunk my closet instead. I just might discover – ah-hah! – that the right shoe has been under my nose the entire time.

Bitch a Day: Shabby Chic

2010-03-05T08:04:00.006-07:00

It's spring and I'm not planning to shell out for a whole new wardrobe. I too am shopping my closet, though I yen for a couple of new items (like this Contrast Skirt, which I will have soon, sooon, my pretty). I'm also slow to change my look this season, because I am. OK? I'm happily stuck in my comfort zone fashion genres.

I don't always like to dress up on Friday, but I don't always like to go casual, so I tread the line between weekday and weekend wear. Friday is generally more of a rock and roll day.

I admit it fully: I love my shredded jeans. I know there are many who look at my shredded jeans with a wince, thinking why oh why would someone pay good money for jeans that look like they got dragged behind a truck for 100 miles? You look like you were attacked by a dog – surely you didn't do this on purpose?

Yes. I did, I do, I love them, and I don't care who knows. The real problem for me is, how does one get taken seriously when wearing jeans avec holes in them? How do you wear them without looking like a homeless person? Or worse – a 15-year-old girl?

My answer: I dress them up. I figure if I look like a grown-up from the waist up and the ankles down, no one will question my fashion sense. I pretend it's OK. Because it is.

OK?

Shirt: Banana Republic 3/4 sleeve button down shirt, in Magenta.
Scarf: Alexander McQueen silk (skulls)
Jacket: J. Crew velvet pinstripe blazer
Shoes: Steve Madden, cheetah print stilettos. Or is it leopard print? Cougar? Anyway . . .
Jeans: J. Crew vintage slim fit in "beat to sh*t" wash
Cat: Cartman the Magnificent

Shredded jeans is my answer to Hawaiian Shirt Friday. It's my middle-finger to the working week. They generally get a little more use on Friday (and sometimes Monday when I am still attached to the weekend).

Tell the bitches: What do you wear on Friday when you just don't care?

Closets Are the New Boutiques

2010-03-02T13:17:00.026-07:00

Something must be in the air. An allergy to spending money, perhaps, or maybe just disinterest in the ready-to-wear lines coming down the line for spring. I don't know, exactly, but like Tex over at Fashion Butter, I have also been spending a good deal of time shopping my closet. My current kick? Mixing textures. Here's what I came up with for a party this past Saturday:

(clicky all photos for closer up details)

Top: Karen Millen (thanks, Pirate!)
Skirt: Eddie Bauer (thanks, Goodwill!)
Black Tights: Hue (not shown)
Boots: Isabella Bird
Earrings: Wear It! Boutique

Not only do I dig the contrast between the materials – silk satin, suede, and gold filigree – I also like the mixture of styles. The Asian style top lends a kind of arty sexiness to the overall Boho feel and keeps the whole look from going too Full On Hippie. I also paired this with another Asian style top, this one by Anac, which lends a brighter pop of color and a more casual vibe:

As for new purchases, I'm only allowing myself a couple for spring (I swear!), and that's only if I don't end up owing half my life to the IRS:

1. Some kind of platform sandal or wedge in a neutral color:

(If the question you are asking yourself right now is: "Dang, doesn't Moi ever get tired of the gladiator trend?" the answer is, "NO.")

2. This gingham-patterned dress from BCBG's Spring 2010 collection.

Gingham, you say? Surely, you jest! Hey, I laughed, too. I mean, when was the last time anyone saw gingham on anything except a onesie for a twosie? But believe me now so I don't have to tell you again later: This dress is so sweetly sexy cool, I can channel Lauren Bacall flashing her sloe-eyes at Bogie just by looking at it.

Unfortunately and for some mysterious reason, the dress seems to have disappeared from the BCBG Web site, where, I was hoping, it would soon go on sale. WTF? There is one seller on eBay that has listed this dress at a Buy It Now price of $49 two times within the past month, but the dress she lists is a size small and the one I tried on at Dillard's is a 6. Whenever you see size discrepancies like that in an eBay listing, it's a for sure red flag that said item is as fake as a porn star's tan. Boo. Hiss.

Which means, I'll have to keep an eagle eye out on the two left here in town.

And continue to play around in my closet.

So, tell the Bitches, other than warm weather, what is it that you covet for spring?

celebrity skin

2010-02-22T22:14:00.016-07:00

Look everyone! You, too, can lose a crazy amount of weight and look super skinny just days postpartum! All you have to do is buy this magazine!

As if motherhood isn't hard enough with the whole having-and-raising-a-baby thing, mothers have the additional pressure of recovery from pregnancy, which most women will tell you, is no picnic. For many of us our skin goes to hell, we lose all our hair, and we feel like crap from lack of sleep and constant breastfeeding. Let's not even discuss the postpartum hormones.

This is Kourtney Kardashian with a "post-baby body exclusive" in OK! magazine, here to give us some perspective. Here she is in a great picture, beautiful teeth, awesome skin. She looks the absolute picture of motherhood . . . and she looks really skinny. While it is true that some mothers do slim down quickly after giving birth, here's the real before-and-after versions of that photo:

What? You mean that flat belly's not real?

Turns out Kourtney was photo-shopped after the birth of her son (7 days postpartum) and made to look as though she has dropped all of her baby weight plus some. Shocking.

I'm going to ignore, for a moment, the ridiculous alliteration of the family's names (Kourtney and Khloe and Kim? Oh, my!), and move on to the part I find really offensive. While Kourtney openly says this image is not real (she admits she gained 40 pounds during her pregnancy, not 26, as the magazine claims), the damage is still done.

OK! implies that if after you give birth you haven't fully recovered and look like a supermodel within a mere couple weeks, you must be doing it wrong.

Popular media wants to tell women that while you might not look so awesome after the birth of your child, all the good celebrity mothers do. If you feel a little less-than-spectacular, we have the perfect diet plan for you to follow. Just buy this magazine . . .

We say, don't buy it ladies. You just don't have the right publicist.

Friends Don't Let Friends Wear Bad Fashion

2010-02-21T15:19:00.019-07:00

DATELINE: Albuquerque, New Mexico, Sunday, February 14th, Anthropologie Boutique. Shopping with Flamin' Mo.

In between ooh-ing and aah-ing at how wonderfully Miss Mo can rock all those problematic Anthropologie outfits, Pirate and I are taking turns scouting out potential bargains for ourselves. Because, well, when in Rome . . . look for Roman bargains.

When it's my turn to peruse the racks, I find myself singularly unimpressed with just about everything except a stunning beaded boho vest that Pirate has previously pulled for my consideration, and which I am, well, considering.

Pirate knows I am easily distracted by shiny objects.
Especially if they make me feel like I'm walking on the beach in Malibu circa 1977, while Lindsay Buckingham serenades Moi in the background.

Anyway.

Then a tropical sunset splash of color assaults my peripheral vision and I stop. Amazed. Mesmerized. Enchanted.

By this:

Tracy Reese Gainsborough Pencil Skirt

Gleefully, I grab a skirt off the rack and make my way back to Pirate.

Who recoils in horror.

"Lookie at what – !"

"No."

"But don't you just love – ? "

"No."

"But the print! Look at the exuberant – "

"Not only no, hell no."

Then Pirate snatches at the price tag. "Plus, it's too much money."

In this, she is correct. Still, you know how you get something stuck in your mind and can't get it out? This is Moi. With this skirt. I vow to one day return to try it on.

Which turns out to be: Four days later . . .

I make a beeline for the skirt, pull my size off the rack, and hold it up to my waist. "Hmmm . . ." I think to myself, "Looks small. Really, really small." The next size up isn't available, so I grab the next size up after that, a full two sizes (shhhhhhh!) larger than I usually wear. Then I make a quick pass by the sale rack at which I find a sequined bat wing black knit sweater that I think will pair nicely with the skirt.

One of those über chipper Anthro sales gals scribbles my name on the plaque on the dressing room door and in I go.

And the skirt . . . has the fit problems typical with my pear shaped bod:

Gapes at the waist like a big mouth bass.

Bunches at my thighs like a child hamster-cheeking candy.

Le sigh. It's not going to work.

The next day, I send the photos to Pirate and lament to her about the fit.

MOI: The pluses are that I think the print is unique and fun; something different. The minuses are that I got a booty, hips, and thighs. Doesn't matter what I weigh, they will always be there to some degree and do I really want all that HELLO! splash of Technicolor on my bottom half?

PIRATE: See, that's why I don't like the look for you. It unbalances your body . . . I do like the print, though. It reminds me of a painting. Monet? Chagal? Disney?

MOI: Baby barf?

PIRATE: Walt Disney Barf!

Finally, Pirate capitulates, with this bit of sage advice:

"Buy it when it goes on sale. In one size even larger and get it tailored to fit. Then immediately destroy the size tag."

And that, dear readers, is how one manages to talk oneself into wearing Walt Disney Barf.

Dress Like You Mean It

2010-02-16T14:00:00.016-07:00

Recently, we were struck by a photo of a well known local artist who had just been featured in a full page spread in our city’s alternative weekly. Pretty woman, lovely smile, obviously talented and smart. If we had read the article, I'm sure it would have said something great about her and her art. Alas, we could not read further, because what we noticed were her clothes: they were decidedly frumpy, greys and blacks, shapeless. No style, no inspiration.

So why, we asked ourselves, did she choose to dress so dowdily for a photo to be published? Did she not care? Did she not have the skills? Did they catch her on a bad day? Or was she afraid, terrified even, of actually looking good?

We’re not being bitchy here (although we could be, because the woman was wearing fUggs with a skirt), but as we get older, it becomes increasingly apparent to us that many women still for some reason refuse to own their awesomeness. Why is that?

Does it go back to our girlhoods? Remember back in high school? What was it we called those girls who were the prettiest, smartest, and most successful? Awesome? Cool? Seems like fun? How about conceited and stuck up? Yup, that was it. Because somehow we’d been taught that self-confidence was something to deride, not admire.

As a result, we think many women now suffer from a kind of schadenfreude and also a bit of fear when it comes to our relationships with other women. For the most part, men are outwardly competitive with each other and that competitiveness can be a positive thing; it can spur them on to bigger and better things. But women are different. We tend to hide our feelings and are more likely to put another woman down by calling her desires self involved or conceited.

But that was high school.

Why, we wonder, are we doing it all these years later? Not only to other girls, but also to ourselves?

We are not the only bitches to notice and be tempted to pre-judge a person based on what they are wearing (book/cover/blah blah blah). What happened to our artist centerfold happens to everyone on a daily basis. Our theory: nobody bothers to give feedback because style choices are so personal. Could you tell the girl standing in line at the post office that pajamas are for the bedroom, without sounding totally sanctimonious? (well, we wouldn't have the balls for it, but we know Pirate's Mother would).

We put it to you that if you're not dressed to be taken seriously, you will not be taken seriously. To that end, we think the sisterhood needs to take care of itself: be a positive influence. Use your powers for good!

We here at Bitches believe that no bad can come from supporting your fellow sisters. We are advocates of unconditional positive regard.

Tell the woman next to you, when you are shopping for shoes, that those heels make her legs look a mile long! Tell the woman in the gym that the dress she is wearing today looks great with her skintone! Tell your office co-worker she looks really great today!

We’re a big fan of letting people know when they look good. Why? Because we can spend 30 minutes putting our outfits together before leaving the house and still feel self-conscious. So we bet all those gals out on the street and in the stores and tucked away in their offices do too.

We really are all in this together, and it really all is connected. Telling someone she is beautiful is making her feel good about herself. This can only be positive. What goes around, comes around. Remember that lady with the shoes? She could be the loan officer who processes your home loan. The lady in the gym? Might return the favor by wiping down the gym equipment. Your co-worker? She might save you half of the last cup of coffee in the pot.

The Bitches are not precious when it comes to random acts of kindness. We say, Tell The Truth, Pay it Forward, Love Your Fellow Woman!

Now, let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Only not in Birkenstocks.

dear bitches: Mo Help

2010-02-11T13:07:00.023-07:00

Dear b!tches of fashion,

I am stuck. Like the popcorn hull that is lodged between my back molars. Like the 7 yr old ID badge on my car windshield. Like the hiker that got trapped in the Sandias with a boulder lying on his arm. (ok, maybe it’s not that painful.)

Every few months, when a project of my husband’s is finished, they have a wrap party. I bet you are excited by the word “party.” I bet you can’t wait to try on a bunch of things, and find the one thing that is fabulous, and you can’t wait to wear it in the company of others who are also wearing fabulous things (but not quite as fabulous as YOURS, to be sure).

I hear “wrap party” and I try not to groan. I had nothing to wear for the last one. I haven’t bought anything but cheap shirts since then, so I have nothing to wear for this one either. I doubt an old bridesmaid dress is going to cut it. I am trying to emerge from being, how did Pirate put it? – totally cheap a$ about my clothes. It’s hard. One wrong expensive purchase, and I’m telling you, I’ll dive back into my closest polar fleece shapeless top. But I need a few things that could create a few outfits that are wrap party worthy.

Where should I start?
Mo.

MOI SAYETH:

Dear Mo,

Hell, yes, we loves us a good party! Not only because it means we can try out a new outfit, but because party also means food and if there’s one thing we love more than fashion, it’s food.

In this case, I’d say the first course of action is first hand, hands-on help from the Bitches. Failing that, our virtual help is going to depend on some answers to a few questions: the formality of the party, your body type, your budget, and whether or not Pirate and I can con you with cake and candy into a dress or if you are resolutely a slacks kind of gal.

But off the top of my head, here’s what I’d recommend.

1. A black jersey wrap dress, ¾ to full length sleeves, vee-neck, just above the knee length. There is nothing you can’t do with a dress like this and it comes in just about every price point. Dress it up: bling around the neck and at the ears, strappy metallic heels. Dress it down: a cute cardigan in a bright color, flats.

2. Loose fitting white button down shirt and a pair of beautifully tailored black pants. With this outfit, you can basically do what you do with the black jersey dress – bling it up, or dress it down. However, you’ll need to decide if you’re going to be wearing the pants with mostly heels or mostly flats and get tailored accordingly.

Where to buy: BCBG in Uptown Center (or in Dillard's), Banana Republic, Macy’s in Coronado Mall.

P.S. Is it “wrap party” as in movie business? In which case, we need dirt, girl, DIRT!

PIRATE ADDETH:

Dearest, Dearest Mo,

I know firsthand that the very thought of shopping sends you running: not only because you love to run, but also because you don't see the point. Shopping? What a waste of time – I can almost hear those very words coming from you.

Darling, as a friend, I'm here to tell you that you're a beautiful woman, and I'd be honored to help you find a way to show it to the world!

I'm with Moi – I think if you can find the patience, we would love to help you out firsthand. Let's plan a shopping trip! I promise to make it as painless as I can, but I know it's gonna be a big shift for you.

First things first: Before we step into your discomfort zone, I think we need to find some things out about the Inner Mo. Fashion is an extremely personal thing – everyone's idea of "style" is decidedly unique, and you, my snowflake, are no different (I suspect, however, that you are from the "Style? Who cares!" camp).

To that end, we first need to find out what inspires Mo: what teeny tiny spark can we nurture into a roaring flame?

For this I recommend that we start perusing the fashion annals – copies of current fashion magazines are a great source of inspiration. Not a magazine girl? I have some books I will loan. There's also the internets: Lucky Mag is not a bad place to start – very approachable, very "now." I also recommend that we start looking at various shopping websites to see what you like don't like, might like, think looks hideous, etc.. Our favorites include jCrew, Anthropologie, and Piperlime, but they might not be your favorites. Start somewhere. Give feedback.

For instance:

This?

or this?

This?

Or this?

This?

or this?

Her?

Or her?

Don't be afraid if you can't see the forest for the trees – the whole process will feel unfamiliar at first, and that's OK. I'll hold your hand. And Moi will feed you candy.

From there, we can be counted on to find you the best deals we know, and be straight with you on what we think looks good on Mo.

So: What does Mo think? You game?

Failing all that, I have a really great bridesmaid's dress I think will be ideal (really, I'm not kidding – this one is a winner).

Much love,
Pirate

A Bitch A Day: Winter White

2010-02-03T08:49:00.015-07:00

Drat! Turns out yesterday's brief sunshiny reprieve was nothing more than a cruel, cruel joke, an amuse-bouche sized portion of springtime rather than the whole ding dang meal. As I sit here and write this, even MORE SNOW is falling outside my window, floating down in that blanket thick way that almost always portends a major dump somewhere in the neighborhood of a gazillion inches. Which means more shoveling and more driving of the high clearance/high gas mileage vehicle instead of my zippy little Mini. Le sigh. The car, she is just going to have to wait until April to get out.

Seems like my spring wardrobe is stuck inside as well, regardless of the fact that the stores and magazines are all chock-a-block full of spring/summer fashions. Damn them. But that's just the way the fashion cookie crumbles: the carrot of fall/winter and spring/summer is always dangled in the opposite season. Which gets me all confuzzled for a month or so until I figure out the math.

So not only am I craving summer, I'm craving summer color. Like white. Lots and lots of white. Not ivory, not ecru, not vanilla. White. On me, though; not on the ground.

What started it was this spread in Lucky magazine about teasing four season usage out of every item in your wardrobe. This outfit in particular caught my eye:

I don't have a similar scarf (although, hey, note to self . . . ), but I do have a wonderful white cotton modal dress I purchased last spring that has been calling my name:

So when I saw the Lucky spread, I hollaed back. Here's my interpretation, minus the excellent photography (I really need to sit down and finally figure out this camera!)

Then, I topped it all off with a black pea coat and a colorful scarf, but by that time, I was ready to throw the camera against the wall, so you'll just have to believe me.

Dress: Deletta for Anthropologie, spring 2009
Sweater: Investment Cashmere, purchased a million years ago, Dillard's
Tights: Hue, Target
Booties: Söfft, Dillard's

Note: if you're looking for a well made, reasonably priced,
and unbelievably comfortable black bootie, these could be the pair.

Necklace: Upcycled chain mail necklace, Wear It! boutique, Albuquerque

Note to self: go buy striped scarf. Then clean bathroom mirrors.

I wore this outfit to an editorial meeting yesterday and actually got a couple compliments, although it did make me feel a little too wide-in-the-hippy. Another casualty of winter: my appetite.

A Bitch a Day: Desktop Sailor

2010-01-28T09:03:00.008-07:00

Moi and I have discussed the need to take our ideas on the road, as they say. Air out the closet. Show off our fashion smarts. Hold ourselves up for ridicule. Give our readers the opportunity to yay or nay us with impunity. Maybe even throw us candy or rotten fruit. We also take cash . . .

Anyway. In the service of this idea, I've decided to add a new topic and call it, "A Bitch A Day." I have decreed that every once in a while, we'll post outfits that we have thrown together. This can serve as style inspiration and as a reminder to us of what we have in our closets, or what we could do with stuff we haven't quite figured out yet. We DO sometimes forget what's in there, you know. . .

Today's Bitch A Day is called "Desktop Sailor."

Inspiration: On Moi's suggestion I have purchased a new French Sailor top from LL Bean. I went with the cream with navy stripe, 1/4 zip. On the plus side: I opened the bag from LL Bean yesterday and was immediately impressed: It's great quality and fits perfectly. What more could a bitch ask for? The down side: this stripe thing is new material for me – it's a great top, but what the hell do I do with it? This is the top's first time out.

Photographer: Twin A (she's not so steady, but she's learning)

Venue: my messy messy house, late for school (hurry up and take the picture already!)

Pants: Beat-up jCrew jeans

Shoes: shiny red flats by Born

Top: LL Bean French Sailor 1/4 Zip, cream with navy stripe

Jacket: (Much coveted – yes, Moi, I KNOW) H&M Military Blazer, black. I almost almost went with my jCrew velvet pinstripe blazer - it worked just as well. I just love this one. OK? There's nothing wrong with that.

Accessories: Whatever I could grab with one hand on my way out the door (red heart earrings, pearls, button bracelet)