One of the adages we Bitches live by is that naked people have little or no influence on society (to borrow heavily from Mr. Mark Twain). Ever since God ejected Adam and Eve from the garden and said, "Go forth and get yourselves some Gucci for My sakes, you look RIDICULOUS with those fig leaves!" humankind has been trying to influence the outside world with the way it dresses itself.
Seriously. Just try getting a job wearing a bathing suit. Well, a respectable job anyway. Or holding back the Mongol hordes in your bathrobe and slippers.
Which is why I for one simply do not understand why the fashion world these past couple seasons keeps insisting that shades of nude are so gosh darn in style for spring. Like that baby poopie neon green that's trotted out every few years like crazy Aunt Martha at Thanksgiving, nude is the booger on the finger of the fashion world that just refuses to flick itself away.
From the Versace Spring 2011 collection.
I love everything about this dress but the color.
The color? It is booger.
I love everything about this dress but the color.
The color? It is booger.
Likewise, these dresses from Mango's Spring 2011 collection feature some lovely detailing and shaping. But you wouldn't know it because they are just so wallflower.
I'm not sure why this trend still persists, because nude is by no means an easy shade to wear. When it works, I suppose it imparts a certain jet-setting-off-to-Capri vibe. When it doesn't, it makes you look like you spent lunch hoovering down a platter of bad shellfish.
However, there are two exceptions to my fatwah on nude.
If an Hermes Birken bag like this one suddenly fell from the sky and clonked me on the head? You betcha I'm going to clutch it to my bosom like a newborn puppy and spend the rest of my life giggling over my good fortune.
I also loves me a neutral, dare I say nude, shoe. Like these Astors by Jessica Simpson. Which I spent all last fall stalking on eBay at a rock bottom price and now have tucked away in my closet just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to justify wearing without socks.
I'm also digging these Vince Camuto "Norda" perforated pumps and will most likely have to add them to my list of must-haves for spring:
So, tell the Bitches. What do you think of nude? Do you wear it? Own it? Want to riddle the trend with bullet holes and raise the clarion call for more navy, darn it, navy!?!
However, there are two exceptions to my fatwah on nude.
If an Hermes Birken bag like this one suddenly fell from the sky and clonked me on the head? You betcha I'm going to clutch it to my bosom like a newborn puppy and spend the rest of my life giggling over my good fortune.
I also loves me a neutral, dare I say nude, shoe. Like these Astors by Jessica Simpson. Which I spent all last fall stalking on eBay at a rock bottom price and now have tucked away in my closet just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to justify wearing without socks.
I'm also digging these Vince Camuto "Norda" perforated pumps and will most likely have to add them to my list of must-haves for spring:
So, tell the Bitches. What do you think of nude? Do you wear it? Own it? Want to riddle the trend with bullet holes and raise the clarion call for more navy, darn it, navy!?!
