Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Key Cargo

Oh, summer, I love it so. The bone-soothing heat, my garden abundant with bloom, the trill and swoop of hummingbirds and bees, evenings lounging in the cooling shade of the front porch while burgers and sweet corn sizzle on the grill. I love working up a lathery sweat during a mid-morning run and then dousing the flames with the icy jolt of a swim. I love the extended twilight lit evenings and the acrid scent of pine and sage in the early a.m. walks with the dogs. I love just about everything, in fact, about summer.

Except, dressing for it.

Sure, flirty skirts and silky jersey dresses will float my boat for a while, but it doesn't take long for me to get tired of what is basically an endless parade of tee shirts and sandals and sweat. Eventually, I start longing for the feel of cashmere and wool and leather against my skin.

Because I was cruising on the grogginess that comes from two day's worth of sleep-deprivation, I spent this weekend doing little else than surfing the sofa with a Housewives of New Jersey marathon and dreaming about my fall wardrobe. And, in that dreaming, decided that one of the key pieces I simply must have this season is a pair of skinny-legged cargo pants.

Why? I have no idea. That's like questioning the existence of the universe or why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are still together in spite of her obvious bat shit craziness and seeming inability to to quit draping her body in caftans every time she steps out in public. There is no logical reason for these things; one simply has to trust that they just are.

I do dig the "respect my authoritah" vibe she's got going on with the sunglasses, though.

Anyway.

Off to the 'net I went to investigate, with the plan to scout said items out in person on Monday.

The first pair I came across were these, from Macy's:

wow, she looks awesome from the waist down!

Good cut, good color, great price, but when I put them on, I discovered to my dismay that the rise was way too high. Because I am long in the body with a teensy waist and big-ass hips, I must be outfitted in a relatively low rise pant. Otherwise, I look like I've been caught stealing a watermelon, like Mischa here.

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa. Though art such a fair lass.
Whyfore then doth thou insist on making thyself look like utter crap?


Next, I skeddadled on over to Anthropologie. Yes, yes, I know we Bitches bitch often and bitch loudly about the endlessly twee, sometimes way-the-hell-overpriced, and oftentimes weirdly-fitting offerings of Anthropologie. And yesterday's visit didn't disappoint, as witness this terribly pretty dress by Moulinette Soeurs, which I just HAD to try on because, seriously, it would look totally awesome with my DKNY Travis Bickle jacket, some textured hose, and black booties.

...and it's exactly the right shade of Disney-barf print!

Alas, the thing is built for a freakin' linebacker, with a cavernous gape at the bodice and a skirt so tight, I'd have to go up two sizes to make it fit and then spend a gazillion dollars to have my tailor take in the top. For 150 bucks? Not. Worth. The effort.

Neither is this seemingly lovely confection called the Thousand and One Ways Wrap, but which requires waaaaay too much fussing and adjusting for something that, in the end, is just a sweater vest.

How about a thousand and one 'no's?

However, let me sidetrack a bit to tell you that this Dreamy Drape Dress IS all that and a bag of chips. Unfortunately, I need another jersey draped dress like I need a hole in my head, so I just walked away. Yes, I did.


Rest assured, however; I WILL be stalking this beauty on Le eBay.

So, where was I? Oh, yes. Cargoes. I went into Anthropologie to try on CARGOES.

Le sigh. I miss M.A.S.H.

First up, these J Brand Houlihan Cargos. Perfection on the bod. On the wallet? Not so much. Two hundred eighty smackers for a pair of pants? Not only is that bank-account endangering, it's also downright dumb.

These Pachacuti's were likewise very flattering (my ass actually looked, for once, like a proper runner's ass), and the price was right, but the crop fell in a weird spot at my ankle that wasn't about to work with either booties or flats.

Ass-cargos...What a concept!

Double le sigh. Looks like I was running out of options. Thankfully, however, I am easily distracted by all manner of objects and that distraction came along in the nick of time.

These Pilcro stretch cord leggings in a totally of-the-moment inky blue-grey hue and thin wale corduroy fit more like a pair of super skinny jeans and boast just the right rise for my bod to boot. The best thing about them is that they offer the slimming effect of a regular jersey legging, but with a much more substantial fabric, so that I don't have to worry about constantly tugging my tunic over my ass to cover panty lines.

These are ass-tastic!

Yes, readers, I bought them.

Soon, soon, my pretty little leggings, I'll introduce you to my suede over-the-knee boots, cashmere sweaters, school boy blazers, and vintage leopard print scarves. And all will be right with Moi's fashion world once again.

Of course, I know they're not cargoes. But they'll do until the right pair come along . . .

So, tell the bitches, what is your one (or, okay, two or three) wardrobe must-haves for fall?

2 comments:

Athena Misty, aka "GeekGirl" said...

First off, I love that you used bat-shit craziness in a blog post about fashion. Second, let's see, hmm. I guess for me the must-haves are clothes that fit. I do love those long drapy vesty and jackety things, and would like to get one or two of those. Waterfall? I don't know what they're called. I would, most of all, like some comfortable high-heeled boots.

moi said...

Misty: Draped cardigan wraps? Mossimo currently has a long and a short sleeve at Target for a song. New York & Co. and Banana Republic in Coronado Mall are good, inexpensive sources, too, as are the Alfani and Style&CO. brands at Macy's. Google 'em and they should pop right up. If you want to spend a tad more money and go with a wool or cashmere blend, check out BCBG in ABQ Uptown or Eileen Fisher at Dillards. Comfy heeled boots? Dillards shoe dept. is starting to get their boots in. Ooodles of price points, styles, and colors. One of the Bitches' most fave no-brainer silhouettes for fall is a cardi wrap, tee, scarf, jeans, and boots. Go nuts, girl!