Friday, February 25, 2011

Hairless pets. Weird.

Between being a touch overwhelmed with work from my paying job, and the training load for a really really really big run, I can barely remember how to dress myself lately. I've fallen into a steep fashion backslide, relying heavily on the fashion uniform of jeans, jacket, scarf, boots. Not that there's anything wrong with that. As if that weren't enough of a brain-load, I have also recently added some new people to my household.

The first time I ever heard of a hairless cat was probably the same time the rest of the world heard of hairless cats: when Bill Murray hoisted up an odd-looking skinny critter on his paranormal talk show, World of the Psychic, in Ghostbusters II. I think I was 14 at the time, I can't say my reaction was any different than his.

When Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!

You can see where this is going, can't you? But before you condemn me for doing something weird, you'll need context.

Way back when I had bags of time and no human children, I used to have animal-related hobbies, such as showing my cats. At the time, my cats were my children, so this worked out - I have a fabulous chocolate tortie point Siamese who is essentially my first-born. This was before I discovered that while I like cats very much, it's a short-lived hobby unless you're a breeder. I got to know a lot about cats during this period, and satisfied my curiosity about many breeds, since cat shows are all about presenting the very best examples available.

For the record, Maine Coons, Siamese, Abyssinian, Burmese and Bengals are all lovely breeds. In a room full of freaked-out show cats, the Sphynx stands out in a big way: not only are they not stressed, but they are the most easy-going friendly cat breed of any. And they're relatively maintenance free -- no brushing, grooming, de-matting or fussing for these guys at a cat show!

Although I take no shame in my girl-crush on Jennifer Aniston and her fabulous hair, she is not the reason I am taken with Sphynx cats. By the time Mrs. Whiskerson made her debut on Friends I was already totally smitten with the hairless breed. I vowed that one day I would have one for my own, and fast forward a decade and we finally have an opening in our herd. I did my research, found a fabulous breeder, checked in with my family, and...

What's that you ask? Did I actually bring home one of the world's weirdest animals?

No, I got two!

Introducing the new Bitches of Fashion, hard at work on the blog.

Even though they are hot little hotties (Sphynx run about 4 degrees warmer than their hairy counterparts), they do tend to chill a bit when it's cold, just like people. So to stay warm and enhance their fabulous looks, the Sphynx people like to wear clothes. Could you think of a more perfect animal for me? I think not!

In fact, they came to me wearing little fleece jumpers.

Mock me all you want, but I am warm, bitches. Toasty warm!

I've done a little kitteh clothing shopping, of course, and have discovered that Petsmart has an awesome Martha Stewart collection. It's obviously meant for dogs, but works fine on small naked cats (turns out my two hairless wonders are a size Chihuahua).

You wish you had a grey pelt so that you'd look this awesome in pink, don't you?

There I found little hoodies with skulls and crossbones embroidered on them, and this super cute t-shirt with a skull and crossbones detail - in sequins:

Does this t-shirt make me look like a rock star? Why yes. Yes it does.

I have also come to know a very fun shop called Sphynx Wear (naturally), a clothing designer especially for Sphynx, Peterbald, Cornish Rex, and other warmth-challenged cats. The entrepreneur of this store has fully engaged her sense of humor, recognizing that there really is nothing serious about putting clothes on cats. Her kitty couture is clever and fun. I wasted no time getting some fashion for my two naked babies, though it turns out my kittens are still a bit wee for adult cat-wear.

Everybody looks faster with go-faster stripes.

You can definitely tell Sphynx Wear is made for petite flowers - the same suit fits like a sausage skin on Catso.
Somebody's ready for his shot at the Biggest Loser. I am pretty sure this track suit makes him look fat.

And so, while I may be dressing myself without a lot of imagination for the past few weeks, there's some creative energy in the house being lavished on two small, naked, big-eared, lemon-eyed, hot water bottles with claws. When I get my brain back, there will be at least three fashion-starved people in the house.

Bring on the spring collections already.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I See Paris I See France

One of the adages we Bitches live by is that naked people have little or no influence on society (to borrow heavily from Mr. Mark Twain). Ever since God ejected Adam and Eve from the garden and said, "Go forth and get yourselves some Gucci for My sakes, you look RIDICULOUS with those fig leaves!" humankind has been trying to influence the outside world with the way it dresses itself.

Seriously. Just try getting a job wearing a bathing suit. Well, a respectable job anyway. Or holding back the Mongol hordes in your bathrobe and slippers.

Which is why I for one simply do not understand why the fashion world these past couple seasons keeps insisting that shades of nude are so gosh darn in style for spring. Like that baby poopie neon green that's trotted out every few years like crazy Aunt Martha at Thanksgiving, nude is the booger on the finger of the fashion world that just refuses to flick itself away.

From the Versace Spring 2011 collection.
I love everything about this dress but the color.
The color? It is booger.

Likewise, these dresses from Mango's Spring 2011 collection feature some lovely detailing and shaping. But you wouldn't know it because they are just so wallflower.

I'm not sure why this trend still persists, because nude is by no means an easy shade to wear. When it works, I suppose it imparts a certain jet-setting-off-to-Capri vibe. When it doesn't, it makes you look like you spent lunch hoovering down a platter of bad shellfish.

However, there are two exceptions to my fatwah on nude.

If an Hermes Birken bag like this one suddenly fell from the sky and clonked me on the head? You betcha I'm going to clutch it to my bosom like a newborn puppy and spend the rest of my life giggling over my good fortune.

I also loves me a neutral, dare I say nude, shoe. Like these Astors by Jessica Simpson. Which I spent all last fall stalking on eBay at a rock bottom price and now have tucked away in my closet just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to justify wearing without socks.

I'm also digging these Vince Camuto "Norda" perforated pumps and will most likely have to add them to my list of must-haves for spring:

So, tell the Bitches. What do you think of nude? Do you wear it? Own it? Want to riddle the trend with bullet holes and raise the clarion call for more navy, darn it, navy!?!