Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I See Paris I See France

One of the adages we Bitches live by is that naked people have little or no influence on society (to borrow heavily from Mr. Mark Twain). Ever since God ejected Adam and Eve from the garden and said, "Go forth and get yourselves some Gucci for My sakes, you look RIDICULOUS with those fig leaves!" humankind has been trying to influence the outside world with the way it dresses itself.

Seriously. Just try getting a job wearing a bathing suit. Well, a respectable job anyway. Or holding back the Mongol hordes in your bathrobe and slippers.

Which is why I for one simply do not understand why the fashion world these past couple seasons keeps insisting that shades of nude are so gosh darn in style for spring. Like that baby poopie neon green that's trotted out every few years like crazy Aunt Martha at Thanksgiving, nude is the booger on the finger of the fashion world that just refuses to flick itself away.

From the Versace Spring 2011 collection.
I love everything about this dress but the color.
The color? It is booger.

Likewise, these dresses from Mango's Spring 2011 collection feature some lovely detailing and shaping. But you wouldn't know it because they are just so wallflower.

I'm not sure why this trend still persists, because nude is by no means an easy shade to wear. When it works, I suppose it imparts a certain jet-setting-off-to-Capri vibe. When it doesn't, it makes you look like you spent lunch hoovering down a platter of bad shellfish.

However, there are two exceptions to my fatwah on nude.

If an Hermes Birken bag like this one suddenly fell from the sky and clonked me on the head? You betcha I'm going to clutch it to my bosom like a newborn puppy and spend the rest of my life giggling over my good fortune.

I also loves me a neutral, dare I say nude, shoe. Like these Astors by Jessica Simpson. Which I spent all last fall stalking on eBay at a rock bottom price and now have tucked away in my closet just waiting for the weather to warm up enough to justify wearing without socks.

I'm also digging these Vince Camuto "Norda" perforated pumps and will most likely have to add them to my list of must-haves for spring:

So, tell the Bitches. What do you think of nude? Do you wear it? Own it? Want to riddle the trend with bullet holes and raise the clarion call for more navy, darn it, navy!?!


the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

I love the hell out of that Versace dress - and I would look like a vampire in it.

OK, a vampire with a lot of money.


Flamin' Mo said...

I stand against you and your fatwah! Ok, I can only wear a certain shade of nude. Like one out of the gazillion that are out there that make me look sickly. And if the color is gonna be nude, then the styling, the cut, your face, your accessories, your everything else needs to be stellar. It provides the negative space to the rest of your outfit.

There's something about a good nude colored outfit that gets the second look. It's fun.

But then again, I like the neon green, too. :P

moi said...

Pirate: Which brings up a most excellent question: As long as one looks like they can fling $100 dollar bills at everything, can one get away with just about everything?

Mo: Well, you go with your bad self sticking up for nude! I agree with your idea that the function of a neutral is to be the canvas against which to show everything else off. It's just that I prefer shades of off white and grey to do it. They're much easier to pull off. But, hey, when you happen to be wearing that perfect shade of "not there," send a photo. In fact, pair it with some neon green while you're at it :o)

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