Saturday, April 24, 2010

Where the Boobs Are

If you live under a rock (as I often claim that I do), you may not know that this coming Monday will be the day we celebrate "Boobquake." I know, it totally sounds like a bad porn movie—but it's not. It's the brilliant yet scandalous idea of a blogger in Indiana who is, as she puts it, testing a theory for the sake of science.

Here's the background: an Iranian Muslim cleric was recently quoted, claiming that women who do not dress modestly are, in a roundabout way, responsible for a high incidence of earthquakes in his country. By his reckoning, slutty clothing leads to promiscuity, which causes adultery, which leads to poor faith, which causes earthquakes. At this point you could be forgiven for drawing a parallel to the witch trial in Monty Python's Holy Grail—that's where I went.

It seems that the Clerics have, in the past, blamed the earthquakes on politics, as well as on the populace not being good enough Muslims. Never mind the fact that Tehran is sitting on a fault so earthquake prone that some experts suggest moving the capital somewhere else.

Let's not trouble ourselves with facts—back to the loose women thing.

Our friend the Blag Hag has put forth the theory that if scantily clad women are to blame for the earthquakes in Iran, why not try to really shake things up by seeing if it's true? Make Monday the day that you wear your trashiest, most revealingest clothing, and if there's a big earthquake then we'll really know that immodest women are the cause.

I know—Monday! What was she thinking? That's like, a work day for some of us! She does point out that the level of immodesty is up to the wearer—if showing a centimeter wrist skin is your idea of skanky, then let Monday be the day you go bare!

As an avowed feminist, I'm torn. The way I see it, I'm being asked to wear clothing that allows me to be objectified, in order to support the rights of women impacted by religious oppression. Boy that's complicated—did I get that right? I'm not too worried about the damage. The amount of press on this issue generated by indignant women all over the world tells me that feminism is alive and well. I for one plan to wear my Mexican pole dancer shoes AND my most boobtastic bustier.

Doe she really want to bury all those nice Iranian people in a pile of rubble? I think her objective is perhaps to force the Cleric's hand, and perhaps give him a graceful opportunity to explain to his followers why the earth didn't move when hundreds of thousands of American women dressed trashier than usual.

If there is an earthquake, however, I assume we get to take full responsibility.


moi said...

Huh. And all along I thought women who dressed like tacky ass ho's just caused MOI to rip the earth apart.

Regardless, I will do my part for the sisterhood and the light by bringing out the push em up bra, tight cashmere sweater, leg-baring Cynthia Steffe circle skirt, and my new BCBG booties.

Sppfffffpfftt to the stooooopid muslim clerics.

Misty said...

I can't wear trashy clothes; I work with mentally ill children, some of them sex offenders. But I'm with you in spirit, sistah. I'll let you know if I feel any vibrations on the west side.

Jumper 2.0 said...

Shouldn't the US being having earthquakes daily???? Or does this part of the crust become immune to it when it's happening all the time?

Theology is so complicated!

Anonymous said...


Boxer said...

I'm wearing tight jeans today. And I won't be spending the day under my desk waiting for the earthquake. heeeeeeee.

lostpastremembered said...

goodness you made me laugh... well done, lady... what will they think of next... but must say pamela looks scary as hell in that pose!!!

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