Wednesday, June 16, 2010

friends don't let friends eat hot dogs alone

Dear Fashion Retail Industry:

I think you owe us.

Allow me to explain . . . In case you were not aware, womenfolk (in general) are innate enablers. Along with emoting, empathizing, and scratching our heads at the menfolk, enabling is one of the things that we girls do best. When we're not sure whether we should or should not, we turn to our girlfriends to set us straight. When we really, really want to, and we know everyone else will say "no," we know exactly which girlfriend to to call who will say "what are you waiting for?!"

As girls, we take this responsibility very seriously. Most of the time the answer may be "yes," but sometimes the answer is a very cautious, "Will it go with jeans?" Our solemn girl oath means never letting a pal make a fashion error.

Even so, this interaction almost always leads back to money in your pocket, Mr. Fashion Industry.

I'll illustrate my point with a recent girl/girl conversation (in which the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Mirate: I need this top. Neeeeeed it.


Toi: Of course you do. If I didn't feel so poor, I'd need it too.

Mirate: I was going to buy shoes for the kids, but I think this top is more important. Don't you think? Plus it's on SAAAALE!!

Toi: I say put the mask on yourself before you save the kids.

Mirate: OK. I guess we'll just eat hot dogs for the rest of the month. The kids will understand, right?

Toi: It's only food. This is fashion. Think of it as a life lesson.

* time passes*

Toi: HOLY COW! DID YOU SEE WHAT IS ON SALE? That skirt that you've been looking at for, like, a gazillion years!


Mirate: No. No, no, no, no, no. I already spent all my excess cashes. And I still haven't bought my children their shoes.

Toi: Did you look at the price? Did you? And did you forget what these bandage skirts to do the booty? Plus, it will go great with your sparkly top . . .

Mirate: Dang, you make a good case. You should be in sales! Alrighty, then. I'll be by your house this evening with the kids, since we can no longer afford food. I assume you have hot dogs?

Toi: I'll be cooking.

* time passes*

Toi: Speaking of hot dogs, what do you think of this?


Mirate: Well, geez, girl, haven't you been pining away for something exactly like that for, oh, the last six months?

Toi: I have indeed. And lo, it is on sale!

Mirate: Forsooth! Verily! I say you pretty much have to get it. Just don't go all hippy on me and wear it with those boots. Le yuck.

Toi: Well, duh. That's a given.

Mirate: Also, I think you should consider this to go with, since it too is on sale for a song. . .


Can you not see that these things are so totally perfect together?

Toi: You are so bad, and so right. Except, did you forget? We're eating hot dogs now.

* * *

So you see, Mr. Fashion Industry, our little chica-a-chica conversation netted you a cool wad of cash you never would have had, in the tidy space of a single day. What's more, you didn't have to lift a finger.

I say you owe us, womankind, some free good will and advertisement. I'll happily take my earnings as in-store credit, if you don't mind.

Your truly,

The Fashion Bitches

1 comment:

Fashion Butter said...

oh how I have miss you guys! And let me know if a letter of recommendation to Mr. Fashion Industry might help your cause.