dear bitches: Mo Help

Dear b!tches of fashion,

I am stuck. Like the popcorn hull that is lodged between my back molars. Like the 7 yr old ID badge on my car windshield. Like the hiker that got trapped in the Sandias with a boulder lying on his arm. (ok, maybe it’s not that painful.)

Every few months, when a project of my husband’s is finished, they have a wrap party. I bet you are excited by the word “party.” I bet you can’t wait to try on a bunch of things, and find the one thing that is fabulous, and you can’t wait to wear it in the company of others who are also wearing fabulous things (but not quite as fabulous as YOURS, to be sure).

I hear “wrap party” and I try not to groan. I had nothing to wear for the last one. I haven’t bought anything but cheap shirts since then, so I have nothing to wear for this one either. I doubt an old bridesmaid dress is going to cut it. I am trying to emerge from being, how did Pirate put it? – totally cheap a$ about my clothes. It’s hard. One wrong expensive purchase, and I’m telling you, I’ll dive back into my closest polar fleece shapeless top. But I need a few things that could create a few outfits that are wrap party worthy.

Where should I start?
Mo.

MOI SAYETH:

Dear Mo,

Hell, yes, we loves us a good party! Not only because it means we can try out a new outfit, but because party also means food and if there’s one thing we love more than fashion, it’s food.

In this case, I’d say the first course of action is first hand, hands-on help from the Bitches. Failing that, our virtual help is going to depend on some answers to a few questions: the formality of the party, your body type, your budget, and whether or not Pirate and I can con you with cake and candy into a dress or if you are resolutely a slacks kind of gal.

But off the top of my head, here’s what I’d recommend.

1. A black jersey wrap dress, ¾ to full length sleeves, vee-neck, just above the knee length. There is nothing you can’t do with a dress like this and it comes in just about every price point. Dress it up: bling around the neck and at the ears, strappy metallic heels. Dress it down: a cute cardigan in a bright color, flats.

2. Loose fitting white button down shirt and a pair of beautifully tailored black pants. With this outfit, you can basically do what you do with the black jersey dress – bling it up, or dress it down. However, you’ll need to decide if you’re going to be wearing the pants with mostly heels or mostly flats and get tailored accordingly.

Where to buy: BCBG in Uptown Center (or in Dillard's), Banana Republic, Macy’s in Coronado Mall.

P.S. Is it “wrap party” as in movie business? In which case, we need dirt, girl, DIRT!

PIRATE ADDETH:

Dearest, Dearest Mo,

I know firsthand that the very thought of shopping sends you running: not only because you love to run, but also because you don't see the point. Shopping? What a waste of time – I can almost hear those very words coming from you.

Darling, as a friend, I'm here to tell you that you're a beautiful woman, and I'd be honored to help you find a way to show it to the world!

I'm with Moi – I think if you can find the patience, we would love to help you out firsthand. Let's plan a shopping trip! I promise to make it as painless as I can, but I know it's gonna be a big shift for you.

First things first: Before we step into your discomfort zone, I think we need to find some things out about the Inner Mo. Fashion is an extremely personal thing – everyone's idea of "style" is decidedly unique, and you, my snowflake, are no different (I suspect, however, that you are from the "Style? Who cares!" camp).

To that end, we first need to find out what inspires Mo: what teeny tiny spark can we nurture into a roaring flame?

For this I recommend that we start perusing the fashion annals – copies of current fashion magazines are a great source of inspiration. Not a magazine girl? I have some books I will loan. There's also the internets: Lucky Mag is not a bad place to start – very approachable, very "now." I also recommend that we start looking at various shopping websites to see what you like don't like, might like, think looks hideous, etc.. Our favorites include jCrew, Anthropologie, and Piperlime, but they might not be your favorites. Start somewhere. Give feedback.

For instance:

This?

or this?

This?

Or this?

This?

or this?

Her?

Her?

Or her?

Don't be afraid if you can't see the forest for the trees – the whole process will feel unfamiliar at first, and that's OK. I'll hold your hand. And Moi will feed you candy.

From there, we can be counted on to find you the best deals we know, and be straight with you on what we think looks good on Mo.

So: What does Mo think? You game?

Failing all that, I have a really great bridesmaid's dress I think will be ideal (really, I'm not kidding – this one is a winner).

Much love,
Pirate