Thursday, May 20, 2010

Pot Calls the Kettle


Recently, Lucky magazine declared in their How-To guide that grey is the new "it" neutral to match with this summer's bright pinks, oranges, reds, and turquoises.

I can buy that. Literally. Because for some reason, I collect items of clothing in every permutation of grey known to mankind.

I have no idea why. I mean, I'm the kind of gal who wants to smack the person who infused a gazillion women the world over with the misbegotten idea that black is not only flattering but also slimming. Sure, we should all have a LBD in our closet, maybe even a black sweater or two, trousers, handbag, boots, and a coat. But when black becomes the default shade in our wardrobes, things can go from tres chic to a one-way ticket on the Tim Burton Crazy Train to Gothville faster than you can say, aw lighten up.

I myself am strange and unusual.

So why all the grey? I have no idea. Sure, it's more flattering than black, with a tone to suit every skin color, but it's also the color of workout sweats and oatmeal and pollution-clogged skies. None of which are favorites of mine. Still, regardless of season, it's the first color I gravitate to, a bizarre Pavlovian response that makes even less sense when it becomes apparent that my reward is NOT going to be anything along the lines of a bag of Pepperidge Farms Mint Milano cookies. But, rather, a closet full of the hazy shades of winter.

First, the sweaters:

Boyfriend cardigan, v-neck, shawl-collared boat neck, cotton turtleneck for layering, cropped argyle cardigan. And they're all totally different from each other.

Then the tees, tanks, and even a vest:

Two cotton jersey bat wing tunics, two short sleeved tee-shirts, one racer back tank, one ruffled tank, one wool and leather vest. What?

And, of course, dresses, skirts, jackets, and pants:

Jersey tee shirt dress, long-sleeved wool a-line dress, bat wing tunic dress, long-sleeved wool cardi-wrap, ruffled jersey knit skirt, stretch wool pencil skirt, wool blazer, and two pairs of trouser-style pants. So it's like San Francisco fog in my closet, what's wrong with that?

The footwear doesn't fare nearly so badly.

Hey, there are at least three shades going on here if you consult the Pantone Matching System book.

However, on the nails?

Oh. Dear.

And lookee here. The ne plus ultra of jersey dresses!

There is nothing wrong with a little gray. Nothing. At. All.

Someone, please, wave something red or green or blue or orange in front of my face. Or a Mint Milano cookie. Commiserate with the Bitches: what one color dominates your wardrobe? And, are you seeking therapy because of it?

4 comments:

Athena Misty, aka "GeekGirl" said...

I find it interesting that someone has declared a neutral shade "the new neutral". Like you are with grey, I am with khaki. I have dark tan, like tan, medium tan, cool tan, warm tan. And lots of black stuff I wear with it. I don't like to think too much in the morning.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

I see no problem with my collection of black t-shirts. None, whatsoever.

What?

Fashion Butter said...

I have a gray addiction myself. But unlike black at least you can wear all those gray pieces together. One of my pet peeves in life is mismatched blacks worn together!!

moi said...

Misty: Basically, I think these lexicon-ers of fashion are just making it up as they go along. Like a gazillion monkeys at their typewriters.

Pirate: Because each and every one is a special, unique thing in and of itself, right?

Fashion Butter: What IS that? Black should be black, right? Noooooooooo. And that's what can make fashion such hell. HELL, I say.