Miami, Bitches!

All righty then, Party People, tell Moi, what would you pack if you were spending two weeks in Miami mid April, mostly for work, with a couple client fetes thrown in, and maybe, just maybe, a day or two free to explore the city?

So far, I got: sandals.

And sunscreen.

And a bit of fear.

Because when I Googled "Fashion in Miami?" This is what I found.


No WAY that bag goes with that outfit.

Shopping with the Mo

Readers may recall, about 100 years ago, when our beloved Mo wrote in to ask for help. On getting the call, we bitches cranked up the Bat Mobile and took Mo on a shopping trip. Here's Mo's account of the experience (with Bitches commentary).

Bitches: So, Mo, what was the experience like?

Mo: Well, it was a long list of "nevers." As in: I’ve "never" been in THIS store before. I have never tried on a mini skirt and sequined top,



or a pair of skinny jeans . . .

(Bitches Note: The BCBG manager, a sunny-side-up gal by the name of Hope who had as much fun as we did, bless, her, said that no one who tried on these Motocross jeans looked good in them. No one. Until Mo came along. Mo looked like a tall drink of water in a wild ass Mad Maxian dream in these pants.)

or. . .

I would never have picked out that. In a million gajillion years.

(Bitches Note: OK, so maybe that jacket was a little too Joan Collins even for us, but I stand by my assertion that You Don't Know Until You Try On.)

It was a whirlwind of Moi and DP charging into stores, plucking things off of racks and tossing me and the whole armful into a dressing room. Several times, I emerged with something on backwards, or a jacket-type thing without a shirt underneath so it showed my belly button. But they were very patient with me. I suggested poor pairings, and was told why too matchy-matchy was not good, for instance. Some things they adored on me, and I did not (striped dress from BCBG!?!!)

(Bitches Note: Le Sigh. Ah well, the stripes, they are not for everyone.)

Other things, like this tic-tac-toe blouse, I loved on me, and I think they thought was just ok.

(Bitches Note: We totally get the unreasonable love. And it was a nice change from Mo's usual repertoire . . . and, look, Moi. Here it is with your skirt!)

So what did I get? To satisfy the party requirement, I got an awesome black wrap dress for $80.

(Bitches Note: How could she not get this dress?!? Honestly, she put it on and the room warmed 10 degrees, that's how HAWT she was in it.)

I got a pair of flattering jeans (holy cow, where did those legs come from?) for $88, and a black pencil skirt ($40) and a white ruffled moto jacket ($98).

(Bitches Note: Again with the hawtness. We calls it like we sees it.)

Later, I got a necklace, another pair of jeans, a contrast skirt, a jean jacket, and a pair of leopard patterned shoes.

I learned that shoes can really give an outfit personality. I learned a few different ways to accentuate the positive aspects of my figure which is smaller on top than the bottom. But mostly from the experience I learned that playing with different looks – even if they are not “me” all the time – is ok, and can be fun.

I am still struggling to put together outfits (BoF: don't we all!), although I have found a few things in my closet that I forgot were there. With some thought, I’ve emerged from the closet a little better dressed. It’s a process! Thanks to the BoF, I have taken the first steps!

Thank you from the bottom of my fashion starved heart,

Mo

Pirate: Mo, I've never had an easier barbie to dress. You're a good sport, a quick study, and you made it fun. I'll be happy to take you shopping any time!

Moi: Good sport was right. It did my heart glad to see that Mo just jumped in with both feet and took chances with her looks. A day without fashion is like a day without sunshine and we do so love the sun when it shines.

A Horse of Course

I may have an unnatural love for all things 1970s, but clogs are the one exception. Well, and leisure suits on men. And women, although if you're Angie Dickinson in Police Woman or Teresa Graves in Get Christy Love, takin' down the bad guys with your bad ass self while never once smearing your lipstick, you get a pass.

What you lookin' at, Honkey? Ain't no clogs on these feet.

Look, I like a bold shoe. But there's bold and then there's barf ass ugly. And when it comes to the Grand Canyon-sized memo on the distinction between the two, Chanel, apparently, didn't pick up its messages that day.

Because this is what it trotted out to pair with its exquisite suits this spring.






One has to wonder, what was the inspiration behind these shoes? The National Swedish Field Hockey team? The Lithuanian Milkmaids Consortium? Mr. Ed?

And who, I want to know, is responsible for letting that inspiration wreck havoc like a toddler off its meds in a candy store?

"My dahlings. Fear not. Fashion, it is the banana on the split of life. It is the boogie-oogie-oogie to the rhyme of my reason. It is the strawberry fields under the bubble gum of my shoe. "

Oh. Right. Never mind.

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, and the Other One

What is this I'm feeling? Actual ennui over shoe shopping? How is that even possible? But, for some reason, it is. I don't know if it's the fact that winter is hanging on with an alarming tenacity or that it's tax time or that I'm just overloaded with all the wedge/strappy/tribal/safari choices being drop-kicked into my email in-box on a daily basis, but I tell ya. I'm tired. And when I get tired, I make dumb choices.

Still, this weekend, in between hammering out a rush assignment, I took a deep breath and narrowed my potential choices down to three.

The Parade, by Naughty Monkey. I picture them looking totally awesome with a pair of cropped cargo pants and a scruffy tee. Besides, how cool is that name, Naughty Monkey? Or do I even want to know?



The Lyrical, by Charles David. Very versatile. More formal and feminine. And yet, and yet . . . do I need another wedge?




The Eclectic, also by Charles David. This is the one I'm leaning towards. It has a kind of American Sportswear via Michael Kors vibe to it, only without the just-stepped-off-the-yacht price tag.


What say you all?

Not Today, Coach

Remember that scene in Some Kind of Wonderful where Eric Stoltz finally manages to score a date with high school hottie Lea Thompson and practices kissing with his platonic punkette buddy (Mary Stuart Masterson), who immediately upon locking lips realizes she is head over heels in love with Stoltz, but in typical thick-as-a-brick teenage male fashion, he won't realize for another 95 minutes that the person he really loves was right there under his nose the entire time?

That's the relationship I might possibly have with my shoes.

A couple posts back, I wrote about my spring fever for a pair of neutral-colored wedge or platform sandals. And it's not like I'm having trouble finding one – Piperlime and Endless and Nine West are chock-a-block full of hundreds of styles and price points. To many, perhaps. The choices are so infinite, that I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in math class. I just can't make it all compute.

However, if you've even cracked for a second the pages of any recent fashion magazine, you've most likely seen the pair I've been stalking for a few weeks. What I have considered to quite possibly be the perfect pair of neutral spring shoes.



It's the Stefanie by Coach, a 4-1/2" stacked-heeled gladiator-esque beauty that makes my heart jump into my throat just looking at it. Only problem is, it's a bit pricey, coming in at nearly 200 smackers. Not bad if you consider the quality of the brand and the fact that the style will skip lightly through all four seasons and, with care and maintenance, the rest of your life.

So.

Off to Dillard's last week I went to try it on. Oh yes, it is a most high quality shoe. Beautifully put together with soft as butta leatha and a cushy foot bed guaranteeing a smooth ride, regardless of your destination.

The one thing that didn't ring my bell was the color. Pirate and I have discussed before the danger of the neutral trend. The right tone of pale can make you look like you were born to yacht the Côte d'Azur.



But pick a wrong one and you may as well teleport yourself back in time to the plague-ridden Dark Ages and wait to be scooped up off the streets for burial. Because dead is never a good look on anyone.



Sure enough. On my foot? The Stefanie, she disappeared. Poof! Melded right into my skin as if they had both been created out of the same tube of burnt sienna mixed with just the right amount of white. The only thing you could see were the buckles.

Was I disappointed? Not really. Because had the shoe been faboo, I could possibly have been out $200. This way, I can do something really revolutionary and spelunk my closet instead. I just might discover – ah-hah! – that the right shoe has been under my nose the entire time.

Bitch a Day: Shabby Chic

It's spring and I'm not planning to shell out for a whole new wardrobe. I too am shopping my closet, though I yen for a couple of new items (like this Contrast Skirt, which I will have soon, sooon, my pretty). I'm also slow to change my look this season, because I am. OK? I'm happily stuck in my comfort zone fashion genres.

I don't always like to dress up on Friday, but I don't always like to go casual, so I tread the line between weekday and weekend wear. Friday is generally more of a rock and roll day.

I admit it fully: I love my shredded jeans. I know there are many who look at my shredded jeans with a wince, thinking why oh why would someone pay good money for jeans that look like they got dragged behind a truck for 100 miles? You look like you were attacked by a dog – surely you didn't do this on purpose?

Yes. I did, I do, I love them, and I don't care who knows. The real problem for me is, how does one get taken seriously when wearing jeans avec holes in them? How do you wear them without looking like a homeless person? Or worse – a 15-year-old girl?

My answer: I dress them up. I figure if I look like a grown-up from the waist up and the ankles down, no one will question my fashion sense. I pretend it's OK. Because it is.

OK?


Shirt: Banana Republic 3/4 sleeve button down shirt, in Magenta.
Scarf: Alexander McQueen silk (skulls)
Jacket: J. Crew velvet pinstripe blazer
Shoes: Steve Madden, cheetah print stilettos. Or is it leopard print? Cougar? Anyway . . .
Jeans: J. Crew vintage slim fit in "beat to sh*t" wash
Cat: Cartman the Magnificent

Shredded jeans is my answer to Hawaiian Shirt Friday. It's my middle-finger to the working week. They generally get a little more use on Friday (and sometimes Monday when I am still attached to the weekend).

Tell the bitches: What do you wear on Friday when you just don't care?

Closets Are the New Boutiques

Something must be in the air. An allergy to spending money, perhaps, or maybe just disinterest in the ready-to-wear lines coming down the line for spring. I don't know, exactly, but like Tex over at Fashion Butter, I have also been spending a good deal of time shopping my closet. My current kick? Mixing textures. Here's what I came up with for a party this past Saturday:

(clicky all photos for closer up details)

Top: Karen Millen (thanks, Pirate!)
Skirt: Eddie Bauer (thanks, Goodwill!)
Black Tights: Hue (not shown)
Boots: Isabella Bird
Earrings: Wear It! Boutique

Not only do I dig the contrast between the materials – silk satin, suede, and gold filigree – I also like the mixture of styles. The Asian style top lends a kind of arty sexiness to the overall Boho feel and keeps the whole look from going too Full On Hippie. I also paired this with another Asian style top, this one by Anac, which lends a brighter pop of color and a more casual vibe:



As for new purchases, I'm only allowing myself a couple for spring (I swear!), and that's only if I don't end up owing half my life to the IRS:

1. Some kind of platform sandal or wedge in a neutral color:

or

or

or

(If the question you are asking yourself right now is: "Dang, doesn't Moi ever get tired of the gladiator trend?" the answer is, "NO.")

2. This gingham-patterned dress from BCBG's Spring 2010 collection.



Gingham, you say? Surely, you jest! Hey, I laughed, too. I mean, when was the last time anyone saw gingham on anything except a onesie for a twosie? But believe me now so I don't have to tell you again later: This dress is so sweetly sexy cool, I can channel Lauren Bacall flashing her sloe-eyes at Bogie just by looking at it.

Unfortunately and for some mysterious reason, the dress seems to have disappeared from the BCBG Web site, where, I was hoping, it would soon go on sale. WTF? There is one seller on eBay that has listed this dress at a Buy It Now price of $49 two times within the past month, but the dress she lists is a size small and the one I tried on at Dillard's is a 6. Whenever you see size discrepancies like that in an eBay listing, it's a for sure red flag that said item is as fake as a porn star's tan. Boo. Hiss.

Which means, I'll have to keep an eagle eye out on the two left here in town.

And continue to play around in my closet.

So, tell the Bitches, other than warm weather, what is it that you covet for spring?